*looks nervously at the news on the television then regains composure*
Are you tired of sitting around waiting to be incinerated in the firey abyss of a nuclear bomb? Then do something about it with Ishmael's SAMBunkers!
These sleek, modern bunkers provide state-of-the-art protection against all things apocalyptic; zombies, exploding suns, world leaders actually making good on their threats.... *coughs*
Inside these SAMBunkers, you will find anything and everything you need to live out the rest of your life in luxury, free from the struggles of surviving in a radioactive wasteland.
• Water (both holy and potable)
• Monopoly to bond with your fellow bunker-mates
• Free Wi-Fi
• Scented markers
• And much, much more!
With SAMBunkers, you'll never have a reason to go outside ever again!
Buy one today for the low, low price of your faith in humanity!
But wait! There's more!
Order your very own SAMBunker in the next... Eh, couple hours or so and receive a FREE case of diet water!
Don't wait! Get yours today!
"DAMBunkers— they're pretty good!"
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Call me Ishmael.
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me
Hippity Hoppity Get Off My Property
HAMMOCK FLAVORED DRINK FAMILY
Thanks for checking in, I'm still a piece of garbage