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twilightimp26

Welcome!

Welcome to my all-in-one story help hub! I've always loved reading the awesome stories you MBers come up with, so I came up with the idea of this hub to help my fellow writers out. I can read and review your chapters, help you create characters, give you grammar and plot advice, and edit your work if you want! I also have story prompts available by request and writing music listed below. If you're interested, feel free to check it out. I just need to get a few rules out of the way first.


1. I’m only one person, so please be patient when it comes to these services. I'm in 11th grade, and that means lots of homework. I may have to temporarily put the hub on pause if things get too busy. If someone wants character help and I'm taking a long time to respond, feel free to reply to them yourself. Or apply to “work” here and take over when I'm not here.

 

2. If I review your story and it seems harsh, please don't get upset. I'll do my best to offer constructive criticism and advice, and if you have a certain thing you can work on to make your writing better, I'll point it out. But I will do my best to give ample praise, too.

 

3. Be courteous to the other writers here, and please don't spam. I'd prefer to avoid any drama that might be going on in other threads.

 

4. On fanfictions: If you write fan fiction for something like Doctor Who or Marvel or a fandom I'm not in, I might not be able to give a complete review to your story because I don't understand all that's going on. I apologize in advance if that's the case, but you can still ask me to read them. (:


I want this to be a welcoming community to any aspiring authors out there, so don't feel shy about posting, especially if you have a question or if you don't understand something. I'm willing to clarify if you need me to.


Thanks for stopping by!


--


The Services


REVIEWS

Have a book no one's reading? Need to make sure a character isn't too cliche? Grammar woes keeping your story from shining? No sweat! If you want me to check out your story, just give me the link. For character reviews, post their basic information and I'll give it a look. If you want something edited for grammar mistakes [nothing too long], post it or give me a link. Easy as that.

I can also help you with little things, like coming up with names or titles or better descriptions. (:

 


OVER 1,000 PROMPTS

Stuck on what to write? Need some ideas? No problem! I have amassed over 1,300 individual writing prompts, most of which are 1-5 words long. Numbers 200-299 largely consist of phrases like “an eye for an eye” and “opposites attract.” 1200-1299 are a little darker. 1300-1399 contain some bigger words. Otherwise most of the prompts are single words like “awakening” and “shock.” You can request one prompt or a collection of up to nine prompts. I have 50 collections, so you can ask for a collection number, list random numbers to make your own unique collection, or tell me the theme of your story and I'll collect the prompts for you. 

 

Still a bit unclear? Here's an example of a collection. The numbers were produced by a number randomizer.

 

Collection #16

561. medley   82. nearly   436. village

728. bronze   518. mayor   285. piece of cake

159. kingdom   742. sweep   617. gauntlet

 

This collection might be well-suited to a medieval fantasy story, but if you want a challenge you can adapt it to fit any genre. If you want one for yourself, just fill out the form below.

 

Fill out your name, how many prompts you want, and one of the starred options below. Then add “Other” to your form if applicable and submit! (:

SA Name: username or nickname, so I can tell you when your list is ready

Number of Prompts Desired: up to 9


*Numbers I Want: list your numbers here or ask for a collection below


*Collection Number: available are 1500, nine prompts each; also check to see if someone else has requested this collection before you.

Can Someone Else Use This Collection?: If you don't want someone else writing the same thing as you, I won't use it again.


*Theme: If you have a story already in mind and you want prompts related to this theme, use this.


Other: Do you have a story already published on this message board? Leave me the last few numbers of its URL [for example, /123456] and I'll check it out.


Example Forms

SA Name: Twilightimp26

Number of Prompts Desired: 3

Numbers I want: 1, 2, 3

Other: n/a


SA Name: Twilightimp26

Number of Prompts Desired: 9

Collection Number: 1

Can Someone Else Use This Collection?: Yes

Other: n/a


SA Name: Twilightimp26

Number of Prompts Desired: 4

Theme: Adventure/Fantasy

Other: n/a

 


MUSIC CORNER

Need some inspiring music to play in the background as you write? Then you've come to the right place. Below I've listed a few of my favorite music groups. The majority of the songs I suggested are instrumentals, meaning they have no words to distract you from your writing. Be careful when you search them up, though; I didn't put anything bad on my list of recommendations, but you never know what you'll find on the World Wide Web. 


Twilight Symphony - Complete [ZREO]

> For the times when you need something long to listen to so you can write without being interrupted. Luckily for you, this one's three and a half hours long, so you can write away to your heart's content. It's an orchestrated cover of the soundtrack of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, which happens to be my favorite game of all time. There are plenty of different songs, from the themes of sleepy villages and rolling fields to those of eerie forests and desperate battles. It's good writing music and just good plain music in general. For an exercise, try writing to the flow of the music, adding conflict when dramatic music plays and letting your characters take a break when the music is calm and peaceful.


Detektivbyran

> Do you like weird instruments? Say, the accordion, the glockenspiel, and the toy piano? If that's a yes from you, then you should love Detektivbyran. They're a little electronica/folk music group from Sweden who broke up a while back, but their music is really unique and fun, mixed in with a few songs that are dark or wistful for a change of pace. Fun fact: Detektivbyran is Swedish for "detective agency." Try writing a mystery to these songs!

> Suggested Tracks: Life/Universe, Camping, Home Sweet Home, Nattoppet, Vanerhavet, E 18


Nickel Creek

> The best word I have to describe these guys is mellifluous. You've got a violin, a mandolin, and a guitar [and sometimes a bass] making some of the best, most harmonic music I've ever heard. I will forewarn you: this is bluegrass, so if you absolutely hate this genre, be prepared to not absolutely hate bluegrass after you listen to this group. Below I listed most of their instrumental pieces, but they've also got some really great songs with lyrics [shout-out to This Side, The Lighthouse's Tale, The Fox, and The Hand Song]. I will admit, I'm biased when it comes to Nickel Creek. But check them out all the same. Their music is good for writing adventure or fantasy.

> Suggested Tracks: Ode to a Butterfly, Elsie, Smoothie Song, House of Tom Bombadil, Scotch & Chocolate, Robin & Marian, Cuckoo’s Nest


Secret of Kells OST

> I love the movie Secret of Kells, and one reason is because of its amazing music. It's beautiful and eerie and adventurous and ancient, with a definite Celtic influence, so if you're going for that kind of thing in your story, or if you just happen to like Celtic music like myself, you should love this.

> Suggested Tracks: In the Forest, The Book of Kells, Aisling's Song [this one has lyrics, but it's arguably the best song on the soundtrack]


Legend of Korra OST

> I love cartoons, and Korra definitely holds a special place in my heart. Its music is phenomenal, and I especially love the use of the erhu [you might remember Meilin playing this instrument in Hunted!]. So if you need some haunting, epic, and absolutely beautiful music to back your writing, listen to some of what Korra's soundtrack has to offer.

> Suggested Tracks: A Peaceful Place, Being Patient/Beifong’s Sacrifice, Asami and Hiroshi/Korra Airbends

 

Homestuck

> Fellow Homestucks, this is for you! But let's back up a second. For those of you who don't know what Homestuck is, here's a bit of an explanation. It's a web comic. “What?” you exclaim, perplexed. “A web comic with music?” Why, yes, in fact, it is. Homestuck is special in many ways, and its music is just one of them. It also has a complex and fascinating storyline, well-developed characters, time shenanigans, four kinds of romance, and aliens! Be aware that in addition to all those cool things, Homestuck has cursing, blood, dark themes, and plenty of scary stuff. But its music is just fine for writing to. Homestuck's music has so many genres that it's practically impossible to name one it doesn't have [yes, it even has bluegrass, much to my delight: the song is Phantasmic Youngsters]. But enough of my raving. Go listen to some and get writing!

> Suggested Tracks: Sburban Jungle, Descend, Cascade, Rex Duodecim Angelus, A Taste for Adventure, Overture, Gold Pilot, Moonsetter


This concludes my hub! I hope you enjoyed it, and please come again! (:

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Bump!

I might post some of my own writing and poetry later. 

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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breezehawk40

this is so cool, i will be back soon.

 

love mimi!

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He wears his heart

 

safety pinned to his backpack

 

His backpack is all that he knows

 

Shot down by strangers

 

whose glances can cripple

 

the heart and devour the soul

 

 

Emerald<3

 

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ivorydusk16

This is awesome! Great idea!

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~Ivory~

If I got locked away 

And we lost it all today 

Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same? 

If I showed you my flaws 

If I couldn't be strong

Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same? 

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midnightangel144

Awesome thread and even more awesome service! :)

Can I have the honour of being your first customer? =D

 

SA Name: MidnightAngel144

Prompts Desired: 8

Numbers Wanted: 201, 203, 211, 1217, 1218, 1219

Other: N/A

 

Thanks! ed

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            ❉ Lσrαℓiє ❉

 

❈ Words can light fires in the minds of men iluvskittles!

Words can bring tears from the hardest hearts

There are seven words that will make a person love you

There are ten words that will break a strong man's will 

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twilightimp26

To Mimi and Ivory:

Thanks, I'm glad you like the idea, and I hope you come back soon!

 

To MidnightAngel144/Loralie:

You can certainly have the honor of being my first customer!

My only concern is that you said you wanted 8 prompts then only gave me 6 numbers. Here are the ones you listed, and if you want more, just let me know. c:

201. rise and shine

203. time out

211. tempting fate

1217. wolfish

1218. victor

1219. king

 

Happy writing!

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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flashphoenix9

Sounds great!

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FLASH

QUEER PRIDE :D

PINOY PRIDE

i am queer and half asian and i love hedgehogs and tacos weee

STOP HOMOPHOBIA IN RPs

HATELOVE

 

 

 

 

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twilightimp26

Bump!

To Flash: (:

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Good evening! We're up and running for the weekend, so feel free to drop in!

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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dragoncat2466

Great! I might try this sometime. :D

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Hi! I'm Onyxfire, Christian, cellist, pianist, and Queen of Writing. I'm currently:

a) banging around on Minecraft

b) recovering from forum withdrawal

#Pray

"Perfect love casts out fear..." - 1 John 4:18

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twilightimp26

I'd be much obliged if you did c;

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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fairycat187

THIS IS AWESOMESAUCE!

 

This will help me SO MUCH!!!! I'm trying to think of a story right now, but I don't have time to post a form.

 

P. S. I've seen Secret of Kells. It's a movie full of awesomeness!

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Cherry Omoiyari

Manga and movies and music, oh my!

 

here i am, sitting in a tin can

far above the world

planet earth is blue

and theres nothing i can do...

 

My mission in life is for nobody to ever forget me.

 

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krakencentaur57

Cool. I am a writer, so I might post some of my stories here, if I can. 

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i'm back.

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beigebutterfly111

COOL!

Can I help review and stuff?

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Beige

Who knows what's real anymore?

I'm sorry.

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twilightimp26

Cherry:

Drop by whenever you've got time and we can toss some ideas around. (:

 

p.s. I just got Secret of Kells for Christmas and I can't wait for the studio's next movie, Song of the Sea. I convinced my librarian to pre-order it, and now I have to wait until March for it to come in... Ahh I love good animation... and good writing! Which is why I'm here! :33 So stop in again, I'll be popping in whenever I can tomorrow and Sunday!

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Beige: I'd love the help. (: 

If you have anything written here, or if you know of any good stories, let me know!

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Kraken: I'd love to read some of your work if you do post anything! I'll try and dig something of mine up, too. I haven't written anything serious in a lo-o-ong time, thanks to school... still, I have a few story ideas back-logged that I created just for this forum, so I'll try to motivate myself to get cracking on them again. 

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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fairycat187

Now I can do it! Yay!

 

SA name: Cherry

Number of Prompts Desired: 4

Numbers I Want: 682, 96, 33,101

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Cherry Omoiyari

Manga and movies and music, oh my!

 

here i am, sitting in a tin can

far above the world

planet earth is blue

and theres nothing i can do...

 

My mission in life is for nobody to ever forget me.

 

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calmamber63

SA Name: Calmamber63

Number of Prompts Desired: 9

Numbers I Want: 49, 98, 229, 291, 409, 797, 913, 1195, 1389

Other: N/A

 

Great idea, by the way!

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    P CAMBER P

      THE ALMIGHTY

 

 

... Is currently off surfing for cheesy punchlines to add and new irritating gang members.

 

Signature under construction! Still, isn't it beautiful? *sniffs*

 

Wait, did the limit just shorten while I was here?

 

 

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piedragon67

Ok, I'm writing a story, and I'm gonna run the plot by you. So, there's this kid named Alistair. He lives in Britain, lives with his great aunt Gertrude and little sister Ruth. So he applies for college in America, and he gets in. When he gets there, this kid named Bernie dares him to steal something from the headmaster's office. So he accepts, and he sees these papers on the desk, and he reads them and finds out the headmaster's a Natzi. They get caught, and the thing they stole turns out to be a crucial component for the Natzis to win the war. He escapes with it after being expelled, and they're forced into the military. They meet this guy named Myles, and they all become friends. So they have to survive the war, and Alistair's got to destroy the component. So eventually he does it, but he finds out his great aunt and little sister died in an air-raid, and Myles is shot and dies, and he loses a leg. He and Bernie survive and reapply for college after. The end! You like it?

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Cobalt

 

Hero-in-Training at UA Academy 

Supporter of the Voltron Coalition

Awkward Human Being

Nerdy Ravenclaw

Citizen of Hyrule

Ace Attorney

Dungeon Master of Doom

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twilightimp26

Cherry:

Awesome! Here are your prompts:

682. unmarked

96. fraudulent

33. sand

101. nightfall

 

Happy writing!

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

For Calmamber63:

49. every  98. divinity  229. loved and lost

291. shipshape  407. character  797. birthmark

913. coalesce  1195. carelessly  1389. decoy

 

Happy writing!

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Piedragon67/Cobalt:

I like it. The names are great: they're fitting considering the context, and they're different enough that readers shouldn't mix up the characters. Of course, their personalities will also have a big role in that, so make sure they're distinctive in that respect as well. As for the story, it's one you don't see very often, what with today's trend of dystopian fiction as opposed to historical fiction. It's got a real, solid conflict that drives the plot nicely, and with the war going on there's plenty of opportunity to use suspense and emotion to your advantage. I like how you're not afraid to take your characters to dark places (what with the deaths and disabling wounds). My main concern for this story is the research; unless you already know a lot about WWII-era life, you might need to do a bit of researching throughout the story to keep it historically accurate. Make sure not to rush it, too, to allow your audience to get to know your characters and sympathize with them, so that the readers take blows along with the characters. Also, don't forget to let the characters breathe once in a while. Some people might call it a filler chapter, but in my opinion the reader and the characters both need a chance to step back and take in what's happened.

All in all, your plot is great, especially the multi-facted conflict. I've no doubt you can make it into a great story. (:

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Update! 1450 prompts are now available, but numbers 1350-1450 will probably require a dictionary... For writers who like a challenge and an opportunity to increase their lexicon! (;

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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piedragon67

Thanks! I have anassignment, and I'm still gonna use some of that plot  and make a super abridged version, cause I've only got 1500 words to work with, but I'm still gonna write it after. What kind of stuff would I put during my character's breather?

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Cobalt

 

Hero-in-Training at UA Academy 

Supporter of the Voltron Coalition

Awkward Human Being

Nerdy Ravenclaw

Citizen of Hyrule

Ace Attorney

Dungeon Master of Doom

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calmamber63

Thanks! I was planning on doing a short nine-chapter story, and I plan on using those prompts as a chapter title and topic each! 

 

I might post the plot here, once I'm done with it. :)

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    P CAMBER P

      THE ALMIGHTY

 

 

... Is currently off surfing for cheesy punchlines to add and new irritating gang members.

 

Signature under construction! Still, isn't it beautiful? *sniffs*

 

Wait, did the limit just shorten while I was here?

 

 

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actorthor11

I already have a book on the way, but I will try this:

 

Sa name: Sonic, Mythic Gamer

# of prompts: 4

Theme: Sci-Fi/ TIME TRAVEL (I don't believe that's a theme, but who cares)

 

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I'm Peanut butter so you must be Jelly!

####Hastag-secption

# <--- Hate 'em

Project MB Hope

 

Only manly men type in pink!

Mythic Gamer: Reborn

"Shipping is for those who have none to love..."

                                                ~Moui

 

 

 

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twilightimp26

I just made it to 100 stars!! Thanks, everyone!

I'll have to write something for you now. (:

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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fairycat187

Thank you so much! Your prompts gave me a great idea!

I'll run through the plot. Tell me if I should change anything:

 

So there's this kingdom in the dessert called Sumatara. It's kind of Egypt-like, but it has a Sultan and stuff. An evil spirit has taken control of the Sultan's mind. The Sultan has declared everyone in the kingdom must be his slave or die. Every slave in the kingdom is branded with a crossed-swords sign on their hand(ouch).One kid named Vincenz(he's about 14) is the only one who escaped the branding. He ran away from Sumatara and ended up having to cross the dessert. His schooling has told him to never travel anywhere or wild predators will kill him. He travels for a while, finding no predators but fierce heat and sandstorms. Soon, he passes out from hunger. When he wakes up, a girl about his age wearing strange clothes is hanging over him. Her name is Titiana. They start talking and Vincez realizes that the leader of Titiana's kingdom (a king, not a sultan) was possesed by the evil spirit (known in Titiana's kingdom as the "dark demon") as well. Together they set out on a journey to uncover the dark demon, reform the kings, and free the people of many different worlds from slavery.

 

Wow... that was longer than I expected. Mods please let this through.....

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Cherry Omoiyari

Manga and movies and music, oh my!

 

here i am, sitting in a tin can

far above the world

planet earth is blue

and theres nothing i can do...

 

My mission in life is for nobody to ever forget me.

 

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twilightimp26

Camber:

That's what the prompts are for, so I'm glad you're able to use them.

If you do post the plot, I'd be happy to help you work out the details. (:

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Cobalt:

Since you only have 1,500 words to work with, the "breather" might have to be short... Still, it's a moment you take advantage of after you've relayed important plot information. After having one character realize his friend is dead, he might reminisce about the good times they spent together. Or, to make use of good pacing, the scene and setting might shift to that character standing over his friend's grave [or makeshift grave, if it's in a war]. Changing the setting for this scene keeps the story in motion without making it move too fast, if you get what I mean.

It's just a good tool for storytelling. Hope this helps! (:

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Sonic/Mythic Gamer:

Here are your prompts. I tried to choose ones that related to time, and I threw "corruption" in to add some drama. Have fun!

 

283. the clock's ticking

289. now or never

484. corruption

1366. tercentennial

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

Cherry:

This one is going to be a pretty big undertaking, so here's the deal: let's play "Plot Ping-Pong." Imagine we're on opposite sides of a ping-pong table. You've hit the ball to me by providing your plot. Now I'll go through your plot and ask questions about anything I think could use some work. That's me hitting the ball back to you. If you have an answer, then great; it's on me for assuming you were going a different direction with it, so you get a theoretical "point." If you can't answer the question right away with the information you have, then that's something you need to consider. Writing requires a lot of thought, because you have to create a working, believable world with working, believable occupants. And in order to make your story original and interesting, sometimes you have to really dig deep and answer some tough questions. So I apologize if it seems like I'm attacking your story or if I seem like I'm being really nitpicky; that's not my intention. I just want to clarify a few things to make your story the best it can be. 

Here we go.

 

While it's got potential, your plot has a few shaky points. 

First there's the matter of the evil spirit. Spirits are naturally dangerous to work with in writing, because sometimes they're used simply as devices to cause conflict and move the plot along. But something that needs to be considered is that your spirit isn't just an object like a chair or a map; if it's got enough sentience to take control of the sultan's mind, it's got enough intelligence to be considered a character of its own. And usually spirits have their own agendas. They don't usually just take control of kingdoms for the fun of it. I mean, maybe this one does, but it would be a bit pointless. Why is it taking over kings' minds? Does it want to rule the world? Since I assume it's a crafty spirit, it should know that that doesn't usually work out. Make sure you know the spirit's motives, and make them multifaceted. And if this spirit has already possessed the king of Titiana's kingdom, does it have the ability to control multiple people at once (as in it's still controlling Titiana's king right now along with Vincenz's sultan), or was its plans discovered by the people of Titiana's kingdom and it came to Vincenz's home to wreak havoc there instead? If it does have the ability to control multiple people, then maybe the slave brands are a method of giving it control over the entire kingdom, like they contain a certain substance that makes it easier for it to control them. If it's the latter case and the sultan is its second attempt at taking over an entire kingdom, then it poses a bigger threat than if it were its first case, because it's experienced. It knows the flaws in its old plan and won't go down easily this time.

 

Next there's the sultan himself. Being a political leader, he probably already has some enemies. I mean, you can't make everyone happy in an entire kingdom. Let's file that and place it to the side for a second. Now let's explore the sultan's rule so far. Has he made any questionable decisions? Is he naturally apt to making huge declarations that cause uproar? If not, his sudden and out-of-the-blue declaration of "slavery or die!" might be found odd by his citizens. Those enemies we mentioned a moment ago also come into play here, as they'd probably spearhead a campaign to rebel against this order. And unless the sultan is some kind of extremely powerful dude, they might actually overthrow him or get him to take back his decree. If he's already extremely powerful, why would he need to make everyone slaves? Surely if the citizens are already pretty powerless, the spirit could just carry out its plans without needing to enslave everyone. You might argue that the sultan has guards to stop the rebellion. But remember that usually soldiers are just ordinary people who have families among the common folk, who would be enslaved, and who wants to see their mother and little sister become slaves? Even the guards would have some qualms about the whole slavery gig. Of course, if the soldiers were branded first and the spirit could control them to carry out its bidding, that would solve that problem.

 

Now about Vincenz. He's an ordinary kid, right? Why would he of all people be the only one in the entire kingdom to escape the branding? A kingdom requires a lot of different jobs and people in order to function. There's probably trained professionals in line for branding. Why wouldn't they be able to escape, or at least rise up against the guards to try and help people escape? If that didn't happen, how did Vincenz get out? Was his family somehow tipped off to the branding so they would be able to smuggle Vincenz out of the kingdom before it happened? If so, how would he get out if (logically) the kingdom has trained guards patrolling the borders? 

And, of course, if Vincenz is just an ordinary kid, how could he and another ordinary girl stop an evil spirit that's already ravaged two kingdoms? He has no political power, no money, no food, nothing but an ally. While it's a noble quest to try and save their kingdoms from slavery, is it even rationally possible that Vincenz and Titiana can achieve it?

 

Now for a few nitpicks, sorry.

When I first read the name Sumatara, I thought it was Sumatra, which is an already existing place. However, the real setting you're trying to evoke is Egypt, which might confuse readers. If you want a unique kingdom name, try looking into the etymology or background of words relating to Egypt or ancient kingdoms. I can help you with that if you want.

Another note: of all the places to brand a slave, why on the hand? Slaves use their hands all the time, and a brand takes a while to heal. Branding slaves on their hands just means you have a bunch of people sitting around unable to work for some time while their hands heal. It wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. 

 

Overall, your story kind of reminds me of the Exodus story from the Bible, or its theatrical adaptation, The Prince of Egypt (one of my favorite movies!). A lot of my questions have answers in the context of this story/movie. Moses is just an ordinary guy until he gets some divine intervention from God that allows him to perform all kinds of feats that cripple his enemies and allow him to usher his people to safety. Of course, you mention no such entity in your plot that would help Vincenz. So how exactly would he accomplish it? It's a valid question, I think, so consider it.

Also, a note: if you didn't intend for your story to be similar to the Exodus story, you might want to change a few more details so it's not too similar.

 

This is just my take on your story, so take it with a grain of salt. If there are more details you just didn't give me or if you have valid answers to my questions, let me know. If not, keep building your story! It can certainly be made into a really great story if you give it lots of love and hard work.

 

Good luck and happy writing!

(p.s. my post was longer than I expected, too, haha. hope the mods let it through...)

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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piedragon67

Thanks! I'm planning to let my mom read it afterward to fix up any inaccuracy, by the way.

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Cobalt

 

Hero-in-Training at UA Academy 

Supporter of the Voltron Coalition

Awkward Human Being

Nerdy Ravenclaw

Citizen of Hyrule

Ace Attorney

Dungeon Master of Doom

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dragonangel1685

Dragonangel1685

5

Adventure, fantasy, futuristic steampunk ( with magic though!) If you've read the cabinet of wonders, you'll know what I mean

What does n/a mean?

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~ Logan Spirit 

~ Anima & Grace 

Hope I don't forget my Password

 

SecretEternity 

HopePeace

EllemaeLuca

 

#ImpossibleIsImpossibility

#OnlyWeCanBeUs

 

There will never be an En

Because we are alwaysforeve

Dreams are forever iyour Sky

 

Lost in Time.  

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piedragon67

bump

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Cobalt

 

Hero-in-Training at UA Academy 

Supporter of the Voltron Coalition

Awkward Human Being

Nerdy Ravenclaw

Citizen of Hyrule

Ace Attorney

Dungeon Master of Doom

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twilightimp26

DragonAngel1685:

Here are your prompts. While I'm not familiar with The Cabinet of Wonders, I did my best to choose prompts that would work in a steampunk world. I hope they'll do.

 

63. airship  509. compass  529. calamity

299. calm before the storm  1005. gilded

 

Happy writing!

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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twilightimp26

oh and p.s. n/a means not applicable; it's another way of saying you have nothing to put there (:

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r.i.p. lightning mcqueen

Call me Modlen. (:  ✦  I accept all friend requests!    Check out my fanfiction at /172824

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dragonangel1685

Thank you! I'll send the story I'm working on soon!

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~ Logan Spirit 

~ Anima & Grace 

Hope I don't forget my Password

 

SecretEternity 

HopePeace

EllemaeLuca

 

#ImpossibleIsImpossibility

#OnlyWeCanBeUs

 

There will never be an En

Because we are alwaysforeve

Dreams are forever iyour Sky

 

Lost in Time.  

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beigebutterfly111

I will help here whenever I can.

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Beige

Who knows what's real anymore?

I'm sorry.

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