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eagledragon13393

It's about the Justice League's kids and the Young Justice's kids 

  

 

 

                                                      __________ Prologue__________ 

 

 

  It was a dark night with the small of rain in the air. Any sane person would be asleep but these people were not sane. I mean if you kidnapped the Justice League,knocked them out,and took their powers and weapons you might be just a little insane. Anyway,dark figures patrolled an abandoned warehouse ,their boss was inside. A man was typing furiously at some computers when the boss entered. "Is everything operational,Samuel?" "Y-yes,my lord" "So everything operational" said Lord Viper "then there is no use use for you anymore" with that he snapped his fingers and a man stepped out of the shadows and killed poor Samuel. "Now that that's taken care of" said Lord Viper as he stepped over Samuel's dead body"Let's begin Operation: The Clones of Justice......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

feel free to comment or criticize   

 tell me if you want to hear more 

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

Yo

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░▒▓█ Баgёг/ЙЯ Єгч$їцѫ █▓▒░

#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

I knew it no one likes it good bye story.......

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

Please someone tell me something because I paused Chapter 1 to see if it was a good idea 

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░▒▓█ Баgёг/ЙЯ Єгч$їцѫ █▓▒░

#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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crimsonwolf3186

Continue it before the suspense overtakes me

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Defend what you believe is right

Don't be afraid to put up a fight

Don't worry if they see you cry

Don't care if you fail,as long as you try

Just know that you are strong

And know that you belong

Written by Shei/Wolfie/Crimson

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eagledragon13393

yay someone likes it 

 

anyway here's how this is gonna happen I have so many characters two are in each chapter and every three chapters or so there will be a "dark" chapter 

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░▒▓█ Баgёг/ЙЯ Єгч$їцѫ █▓▒░

#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

Here's half of chapter one 

 

 

 

 

__________^ Robby Drake son of Tim Drake the second Robin ^_________

 

  I was walking home from school and sighed. The mean boys had beaten me up again 

then proceeded to give me their homework for the weekend and told me that if it wasn't done 

I would get beat up......again. Right before I walked into my house I pulled down my shirt sleeves to hide my bruises. 

Then I went in to find my dad making dinner. Once he noticed me he said,"You're home late" "Yeah sorry about that...

whats for dinner?" "Baked ziti" "Yum anyway I'll be in my room" I said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

more is coming 

 

if you want a backstory for any character let me know 

 

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

How was it?

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

Is it horrible or really horrible 

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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lynxaqua526

In the start you said the small of rain 

 

did ya mean SMELL

 

The  first story was fab

 

 

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lynxaqua526

The second one was great 

 

Maybe..............

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lynxaqua526

Maybe u should make it less dark

 

but thats just what i think

 

apart from that both chapters were cool/awesome

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eagledragon13393

Yes I meant smell and what do you mean by less dark?

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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lynxaqua526

I mean like both of em have killing or hurting in it

 

like getting killed or bashed up

 

get me

 

by the way i am a female

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eagledragon2361

It's decent, but it does need a little working up. The basic plot and setup is good. I would give the exposition a little more time, it feels slightly rushed as is. But don't worry, I had all these issues [and a lot more] when I was starting writing. Don't be discouraged, your writing style has a lot of promise. Give it some time and defiantly a lot of practice, and you'll be an amazing writer. :) (That sounds like I'm saying you're bad and YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR STUFF BECAUSE GOSH IT'S JUST SIMPLY AWFUL AS IS-no. That's not what I'm saying. Anyone can improve with time and practice, and I'm just passing on the memo :]) 

 

My biggest tip is to...I dunno. Beef it up a bit? If that makes sense? Your narrative is going pretty well, but now you need to focus some on your detailing. Body language, character profiling, and simple details serve to make reading any store a lot more enjoyable. Here's an example. I'm using what you wrote for your first chapter, and re-writing it as if I were the author. This is my style and my preferences. You need not, and should not have to follow every exact thing I say-you need to keep your individual style. 

 

--------------------

 

I shrugged by backpack up around my shoulders, wincing as the straps pressed against the fresh bruises on my arms. Luckily I was almost home when it started to pour, but as my wet pant cuffs clumped soggily around my ankles, I groaned. Just my luck. After being beat up by school bullies, my day had gone from a decent 7.5 to a 0 real fast. Teachers were irritable, students a little less forgiving, food a cut below the typical bland nourishment. The whole school seemed to sense the oncoming storm, and the mood certainly reflected it. As my backpack thumped against my back with every step, and my feet splashed through the gutter, I winced and fixed my eyes on my house just a few minutes away. The sooner I made it home, the sooner I could start on all the homework. In addition to my already heavy workload, the boys who had been making my life so miserable had dumped all of their work on me as well. Comply and do all their work for them meant a few days under the radar until they remembered to torture me again, refusal meant...well... I reached up and rubbed a particularly tender area on my upper arm. 

 

Stepping through the doorway, I dropped my bag with a solid thunk. Pulling my sleeves down over my upper arms, I staggered into the hallway. My dad was stressed enough already without having to worry about my problems. Finding him in the kitchen making dinner, I paused briefly in the doorway. He looked up, a smudge of floor across his cheek. Brows knitted, he studied my face. 

"Robby, you're home late again." 

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that...I was just..." My voice trailed off as I desperately groped around for some excuse to explain my late apperence. Dad sighed, and I quickly changed the topic. "Er...what's for dinner?" 

"Baked Ziti" 

Despite my dejected mood, my stomach growled audibly. As my dad laughed softly, I cracked a weak smile. 

"Yeah, anyways. I'll er...be in my room for a while. See you at dinner" I turned, and ran up the stairs. How long could I keep this up? 

 

---------------------

 

I've had more practice than you, so I will defiantly write differently. However, I hope that some of this will help you in some way. Just  remember, every time a new character speaks, start a  new line. Keep it up, you're doing great! I'm excited to see what you come up with next. :) 

 

-Bobcat

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Bobcat.

       .

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eagledragon13393

LynxAqua- I'm a girl too and that is the kind of stuff l'm used to reading 

 

Bobcat- thanks so much 

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

 okay I'm giving this story to my friend. It was her idea and I was just copying it on here for her. But she FINALLY read spirit animals and will come on here occasionally. 

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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lynxaqua526

Tell me her user name plz

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Hi everyone names Mystery. More of the story is coming soon. 

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I am Lost and plan to stay that way.
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eagledragon13393

bump

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#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

Cyla Borg (or whatever Cyborg's last name is.....)

 

 

 

I raced home right after school got out. I ran into my house and let Dad know that I was here.I sprinted to the fridge ( yes yes I know I love going fast ) and got two Gatorade's , and ran to my workshop ( which was a REALLY big mess ). Anyway, I was REALLY excited. I was about to give Robby his new phone because the kids that always beat him up also sometimes broke his phone. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face when I thought about Robby, "No," I thought to myself . " it's because you made the phone,Cyla." I ran out of my workshop and into the house. I went up the stairs and into my room Gatorade's and phone in hand. When I got up there, I opened the window and saw the bridge that connects me and Robby's houses. I crossed the bridge quickly and found Robby lying face first on his bed.

 

 

 

 

    To Be Continued....

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I am Lost and plan to stay that way.
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eagledragon13393

Yahoo 

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░▒▓█ Баgёг/ЙЯ Єгч$їцѫ █▓▒░

#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

Noo I killed it!

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░▒▓█ Баgёг/ЙЯ Єгч$їцѫ █▓▒░

#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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eagledragon13393

Bump 

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░▒▓█ Баgёг/ЙЯ Єгч$їцѫ █▓▒░

#Puppy Killed Me#

ocean’s mb sis

Goodbye, my dear friends. It’s been fun. 

So raise your glass high, for tomorrow we die.

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wolfpaw1527

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me! -I forgot the sooooooong... im too lazy to even grab my sheet of the lyrics...-

 

Drink up me 'earties Yo Ho!

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Nacho

 

memes and vines and memes and vines

holy heck i spilled my wine

 

Foxcraft

Wolfey

Phillip

Benny

Nacho.exe

 

 EVERYBODY DO THE DAB

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breezehawk40

I love it! Great idea and story! Keep going!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Love mimi

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He wears his heart

 

safety pinned to his backpack

 

His backpack is all that he knows

 

Shot down by strangers

 

whose glances can cripple

 

the heart and devour the soul

 

 

Emerald<3