This isn't the place I used to know. I hardly know anyone here because majority of the people I knew have left. It's time for me to go as well. I was back for a visit, but I'm afraid there won't be another one. Perhaps you don't believe me, but I've really just lost interest in this place. No one wants me here, anyway. Everyone else has something in common and I stand out too much from the rest of you. Aside from that, my heart is broken and I just can't . . .
For those of you who don't know.
Remember those taekwondo stories I used to post all the time?
Remember my instructor? (We'll call him Shogun.)
When he told me he was leaving, I decided to leave too. We'd just moved anyway, and if he wasn't going to be at my (now former) TKD school, the long drive wasn't nearly as worth it. I didn't have a problem with the master who was there - I quite liked him - it's just . . . I couldn't stay there. The memories would hurt too much. Just being without Shogun for the entire summer was unbearable, but imagine staying there for years and years, every day remembering the way things used to be . . .
And not everyone knows this: he wasn't "just an instructor". He was my best friend. Is. We still keep in touch; it's not the same as training together, but it's better than nothing. Things would be a lot worse without his emails, and his brother's been here for me too.
Still . . . I cry a lot. People tell me to "just get over it". I can't. The black belt test for ninth dan is easier than saying goodbye to someone like him. Yes. I cried. I miss everyone at my school - saying goodbye to my students was difficult, saying goodbye to another friend of mine was difficult . . . but most difficult was saying goodbye to Shogun.
You have no idea how much I love him. (Be mature. You know I don't mean it like that.) It's strange how it hits you all at once the moment you have to say goodbye, how much you love someone.
So don't say you understand. You don't. None of you know what this is like. I highly doubt any of you have ever lost a martial arts teacher. It's on a completely new level of painful. He's like a brother to me and the best friend one can imagine. You train with someone for so long, he becomes like family to you. He's the most honest, trustworthy, understanding, amazing human being who has ever existed and ever will exist.
Now that you know that . . . I think you can understand why I want to become an official instructor, get my black belt, and win gold in the Olympics. He believes in me and I'm not going to let him down.
The time to achieve my goals is now.
With that, this is the last time I'm saying goodbye. Never stop searching for happiness. It's out there. You just need a little courage, and a little perseverance, and hope, and you will find it. I know I have. Goodbye isn't forever, you know. I'm going to see Shogun again. I don't know when . . . but friends never truly leave each other.
Shogun, if you ever see this, I love you, and I hope your career in botany goes awesome for you. :) We're always here if you want to come back.
Anyway, if you happen to be watching the Summer Olympics one day . . . perhaps you'll see me. Perhaps you'll come across one of my books in a library or bookstore. Who knows. But this is when I must leave you.
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- Lahash -
Also known as Samurai
Est. January 2014
Author of the Path of Legends series - coming 2020!
"Fear not in this Time of Chaos, this War of Darkness. For on the horizon, there shines a light, a light brighter than any before . . ."