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dragondolphin2613

Yeah, I won't try that, don't wanna get banned.

 

If you want to see what my character kinda looks like, look up Ge Nie from Legend of Qin.

 

And this if for everyone:

 

Who thinks I should enter the national Tae Kwon Do tournament in Georgia for one or more of the following:

 

Forms

 

Sparring

 

Weapons

 

Board Breaking

 

And RuoHan I am ok with the fact of Shan Ming teaching Xi Ye at sometime, just thinking where we can fit that in the time frame, after all my character is 14 yr + older than yours...

 

 

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

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forestclue25

Okay, thanks, I’ll do my best to help.

 

Yeah, call me Meg. I just need to do a few revisions in my intro and include the flashbacks, and then I can help revise. I think it’s a good idea to do the Fallen together, it’ll make it pop more, you know? Plus, it’s less work on us. 

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

Well, it depends on how good you are at the event. Consider: what are your strengths and weaknesses? And compare yourself to others. Also, how much experience do you have? Have you been to competitions before or do you know what you will be competing against?

 

Speaking of strengths and weaknesses, my character will be an excellent archer, but she is horrible at martial arts.. although she can throw a solid punch.

 

 

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

Thumbnail avatar 95c241ea61

scarletdragon3016

My character is pretty strong at things related to fighting, including strategies and actual martial arts. Not to brag, or make Xi Ye seem invincible, but if you want a comparison he could easily hold his own with Meilin, Kana, or Song. Just research ancient Chinese warriors, Xi Ye is not invincible. xD

I already finished his character intro, so here it is:

 

Fire.

That was all I could see around me.

I could feel the heat of it pressing against my face even through the mask, but the mask would not allow me to take it off.

All around me I could hear the sound of wood burning down, the sound of structures and buildings crashing down all around me. I could clearly smell the stench of smoke. It was enough to make me nearly choke.

I was still rooted to the ground. All around me were the colors I had always seen throughout my life; the red even danced on the walls. It filled my vision, dancing, leaping, trying to reach me, and it was so close. If I let it consume me, what would happen?

But then I realized what it really was...

Something furry brushed against my cheek, startling me. The red in my vision faded so fast—it was as if it imploded and vanished entirely from Erdas.

Then I heard a soft purring sound. I lifted my head and opened my eyes, but was astonished by how much I could see in the dark.

My tiger was nuzzling me on the arm with his nose worriedly, and I stroked his fur with one gloved hand. He purred again, but didn’t stop. His nose was wet for some reason. I brushed whatever the wet thing was off.

“It’s alright,” I assured him, so he started licking my face instead. His tongue was a little rough. I pushed him gently to one side in protest, but he just laid down again, resting one furry paw on my chest. I would have smiled at him, but I think I never knew how to. But it was true that my spirit animal is always the comfort I can find in my life no matter what.

That dream… I had had it for years already. Since when had it started?

“What do you think the scarlet in my dream means…?” I asked, half to him, half to myself. “And I don’t mean your name,” I added quickly before he would start reminding me. His amber eyes, almost glowing scarlet in the night, looked at me intently. He cocked his head to one side, and I couldn’t help but put myself in a position closer to him. Both of us didn’t mind sleeping on the floor, no matter how hard it was.

Nor did I have much of a choice, especially when I was younger.

Born into a family who I don’t remember, and likely doesn’t remember me, either, I was taken and intended to be trained to be an assassin by a group possibly related to the Conquerors. Judging from that simple fact, I doubt my family is even alive now. I also don’t care about finding them now, a feeble dream I had when I just started to remember things, when I was much younger.

The flames in my dreams have always been all too real. Other kids, they dream of their normal lives, flying, Great Beasts, and summoning a spirit animal at eleven…

For me, all I have dreamt about is related to blood, war, and devastation.

After I was taken from my family, I was taken to a training place. But the place was never seen again.

It burned down.

The same went for all the other centers I was brought to. Within a month it would turn to a pile of black ashes, no matter how magnificent it had been before. Even the assassins who had taken me soon came to fear me. I was the very omen from the heavens of being cursed, and bringing only bad luck. I still scoff at such beliefs even today.

To make a long story short, no one would even come close to me. They didn’t even dare to touch me, in fears that they would be hurt because of doing so. I was viewed like some kind of cursed thing, rather than as a person.

Especially after those who did try to know me better vanished. They could disappear, and then the next time I saw them they would already have been passed away. We had learned about cursed tombs before, where the deceased rulers would curse whoever disturbed their rest until their death; I was the living version of this, except that anyone who tried to come close to me would die, or vanish from the face of Erdas completely.

It has been only myself ever since I can remember.

That is, until Xing Hong came. I looked at him, and he stared back at me. I looked to the side, because one of the primary rules of having a feline as a spirit animal is you do not engage him in a staring contest; he will definitely win.

Sometimes I dream about losing my only companion in the world, and those dreams are what worries me the most… I don’t care about death, or pain of any other sort…

To lose him would surpass any sort of death or pain for me.

I gritted my teeth, realizing what I was thinking. My tiger growled softly, and I snapped back into full attention, slipping the mask back on even before footsteps became audible, and someone knocked on the door, as if testing for something.

“Commander,” a voice outside the door inquired nervously, and very quietly. “Are you awake? May I come in?”

“Yes,” I replied back in Zhongenese. XingHong tilted his head quizzably, probably because it was still dark outside. Why would anyone have to say at this hour?

It turned out that it was General Ling, and he supposedly had important news. Ling was wearing military clothes, and his arms were behind his back in a polite stance. “I’m sorry for disturbing your rest, but I came to inform you that the Greencloaks are already rebuilding Greenhaven, and the Oathbound are due to trial in mere days.” I watched him as he spoke. He was undeniably older than me, about in his mid-thirties, but anyhow, everyone in the army was older than me. He also had a neat, trimmed beard, and piercing light brown eyes. He continued: “The other generals and advisors have strongly suggested that the invasion of Greenhaven should begin immediately, before they have times to organize themselves and the Oathbound are proven guilty under trial.”

I pursed my lips together. I didn’t know how the other generals and advisors got up to their ranks, but from that statement simply they obviously didn’t know what they were suggesting. It was clearly an incorrect and rash choice to make.

The Greencloaks and Greenhaven, having been taken over twice before, once by a man called Zerif and once by the Oathbound, should have already learned that intruders go in when the circumstances are the direst. After all, Zerif took over Greenhaven while the Wyrm battle was going on and Greencloaks were being enslaved, while the Oathbound took over Greenhaven following them being forcefully controlled by the Wyrm and using that as an excuse for trying to prove them guilty of war crimes. Obviously outsiders took over when one had weaknesses, and that also applied to the Greencloaks, no matter their numbers. If we did anything rash this time around, failure would be immediate. They would be ready.

Of course, Ling was undeniably a powerful leader. He had come in sometime before me and had risen quickly through the ranks of our YingHe Army, and soon became a general. No one could deny his ability at thinking critically and quickly, and of course, his fighting skills. He was as fast and nimble on the ground as a bird of prey would be in the air. In times of war, everyone has to use those with potential.

Ling was fidgeting with his cape. Apparently my room was like a cage to him, and I had yet to say anything about what he had told me.

“And when did I say we would invade Greenhaven?” I asked him quietly. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw him flinch a little. Just a little, not really noticeable. I walked towards him slowly,

“We… presumed that that would be the course of action,” he replied. “So we could plan ahead.”

“There is nothing wrong with planning ahead,” I answered. “But it’s wrong…

“...when you lie about it,” I finished as I grabbed his collar and pinned him against the wall in a split second. XingHong had also sprang up from his position and was now growling threateningly at Ling. He had obviously caught on to the clues as well. “You’re not a good liar,” I observed. It was true. He was good at everything else; just… not good at lying. That was an advantage for me.

Even if the general was nervous before, it was nothing compared to now. He stammered, “Com...Commander. What are you doing?”, while pulling a hand out, then the other, to show that he was innocent.

“I should ask you,” I said, and spun and kicked the knife he was pulling out behind his back with his hand. By this time, XingHong looked ready to have a midnight snack. I held out my free hand out to stop him from doing so, while still maintaining my hold on Ling.

“I have some questions to ask General Ling,” I told XingHong. Then I nodded slowly in sudden realization. “I’m presuming that’s not your real identity. You are a Greencloak.” I put no question in my statement.

“I’m not,” he replied, scowling, as if I had just accused him of killing the entire army singlehandedly, but XingHong growled in warning. “No lying,” I warned him, “or I might not be able to stop him from eating you up.”

He stopped struggling a little, and admitted reluctantly, “Fine, I’m a Greencloak. But how…?”

“Your personality is deceiving,” I told him, locking eyes with him. His eyes showed no fear at all. Apparently all that he showed before was just a timid act. “But your act is not. Your history is vague, you came in too quietly, and even the time you came in is too obvious. This was no urgent matter; you could have easily waited until the next morning to discuss this with the other generals in a council. Besides, you should not have known we were here,” I added, looking around the training room. “You would have presumed that we were in our room, and gone there instead.”

He nodded slowly, even smiling a little. “I see why you’re the army’s commander now.”

I refused to let him go. “Don’t try flattery on me, General. You’re a Greencloak spy in our army. I presume you came here to get information on what we will do, and then eliminate the Army all together, or to just kill me.” I added, “Don’t deny it.”

He smirked. “I wasn’t planning to deny it. It was orders.”

“Good.” I still held him there.

He turned more serious. “Are you going to kill me?” he asked.

I didn’t answer. “Tell me what you were here for, and what your actual name is.”

He sighed. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to tell you.” He smirked again, and joked, “Actually, it would hurt if I didn’t tell you.” If he was expecting a reaction of some kind from me, he got none, so he continued:

“In fact, Ling is my surname, but I would prefer not to tell you my actual name. I don’t even tell the Greencloaks.”

He stopped. I gestured with my other hand. “And?”

So he continued, choosing his words carefully and slowly. “Concisely, the Greencloaks thought that this army would quickly pose a threat to them again. You see, after the prior two invasions, they weren’t sure which groups were allies to them and which were enemies for them. Therefore one of my commanders told me to come here and be part of the army, and then report back to them. If I were to find out anything that could be threatening, I was to either report it, or to directly and quickly eliminate it. I found from observation that this army was not threatening at the moment, but it could as well be. Because of one reason.” He smiled, looking at me directly. “You.”

“Me…?” I asked quietly, though somewhat startled that he would say that.

“Yes,” he replied. “There are few I have seen in my lifetime, I believe, who are as able as you. As Olvan would say, it was a pity you never joined the Greencloaks.”

I glared at him. “Pity or not, I didn’t make that choice.”

He looked confused now. “You didn’t?”

“No,” I replied bluntly. “I never received the Nectar of Ninani.” He opened his mouth to try to speak, but I interrupted him. “No, I did not join the Conquerors, or receive the Bile.”

He looked astonished. “Then… how?”

“I don’t know,” I said, releasing him. He obviously didn’t expect to be let go, but caught himself.

I nodded at him in recognition. “Your spirit animal is a bird?”

He had to look surprised again, then he nodded back. “An owl.” He successfully pulled back the cape from his chest, then pointed at it. “She usually likes being out at night, but I wouldn’t let her this time.”

I frowned at him, though he obviously couldn’t see it through my mask. He was getting too relaxed with me. “Don’t get comfortable here. You better hope your owl will lend you night vision, because you’re going to need it.” I pointed at the door. “Go back to Greenhaven. Tell your superiors what I said, and also inform them not to try anything of the sort again, because next time I won’t be so merciful.” I added threateningly, “That’s a promise.”

He paused, as if he had a lot more to say. But then he nodded, and bowed, the Zhongenese way of expressing gratitude. “Thank you.”

“There is nothing to thank me for,” I told him, and that was the truth. Honestly I would have enjoyed keeping him there for a few more moments to talk, but I gestured at the door again. He nodded and swiftly started out, but he paused, looking back at me, as if there was one more thing he wanted to say. I wanted to let him say it, but I knew I could not do that. One day we could be enemies, on opposite sides of the battlefield, and such thoughts would become the death of me.  

“No lingering,” I ordered sternly, and he nodded again. Then he was gone, as sudden as an owl darting into the trees in the darkest of nights.

------------------------------------------------

Tell me what I need to revise? Anyways, I'm off to bed.

And I thought of a way we might get to contact through email...

Maybe make a Google email that is our username on here, without the underscores? idk if that is against the rules, but technically it would be staying on this website, I really dk. I don't want to get banned either.

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forestclue25

I think the intro sounds great. I’m cutting out my Nectar Ceremony and putting in a vision from Ninani. I and my sister are on a ship, and I give orders to try to catch up with the Fallen. Hope it goes through.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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dragondolphin2613

The google-spirit animal id email seems good, I might try it...

 

I really like your intro, and that plot twist you did where General Ling was a Greencloak spy....i really appreciate things like that in writing...

 

Oh and I have an idea for the intros:

 

Imagine we do something where like my character's intro happens the night before the Four Fallen leave for Greenhaven, Maddox's is when they attack the prison vessel, and Horen's is when he is being broken out, then the Four Fallen's after that

 

Here is the order I had in mind:

 

Entha (Female Greencloak that has been on the run who releases the Greencloaks from jail in Greenhaven) -> Shan Ming -> Maddox -> Horen -> Four Fallen, etc.

 

Do you guys agree with this idea?

 

And this is how far I got to in my intro:

 

Shan Ming Chu was one of the most highly recognized martial artists in Zhong, until he ended up on the run because of the rough time he had during the second Devourer War, instead of wearing fine robes and welding expensive swords, he now wears light, dry robes and welds unexpensive, practical swords. Commander (I got that from your intro) of the YingHe army, would end up fighting opposite sides than him later on in life.

Shan Ming stood outside the door of Maddox’s ship, hoping to hijack the vessel that night before Maddox and his new Conquerers free some minor Oathbound Commanders. He heard light footsteps, he pulled out his sword from it’s sheath almost completely silently, getting ready for quick combat.

The man who walked out of the doorway was Maddox himself, holding his ironic morning star in both hands. Shan Ming instantly and silently whipped out his sword and put it against Maddox’s neck. “You think we haven’t known you were here?” laughed Maddox. “And you don’t think you will be taken to custody tonight?” asked Shan Ming, raising an eyebrow.

“Get him boys!” yelled Maddox. A group of burly looking men surrounded the two. Shan Ming looked around and did a quick count. “9 people,” he thought. “Is this your whole gang Maddox?” asked Shan Ming mockingly. “Hah nope,” said Maddox, “The Oathbound support me and I support them, mutual supportion,” laughed Maddox.

Shan Ming, deciding he couldn’t fight his way out without making a scene, started his plan. He released the sword from it’s position by Maddox’s neck and used it to fight one of the soldiers surrounding him and broke out of the circle. He leaped up onto a couple supply crates and jumped up, held onto the edge of the roof and pulled himself up, all within 10 seconds.

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

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forestclue25

Revise it a bit. I’m still trying to decide on a good setting for my intro... I want Sera to have a vision, but I’m not sure how. Just give me a few days. I have writer’s block, I think, this usually comes easily to me.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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scarletdragon3016

I hate writer's block (using my definition of it it means all my ideas, no matter how many there are, are stuck in a place and can't come out correctly.) What is your definition?

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scarletdragon3016

When you make one, I'll make one. Idk, just don't put the email down. And if you make it according to the username please don't use capitalization or the Underscores (_).

Is there anything I can revise for my intro? Idk, it seems so weird when I read it.

I think the order is good. You should write according to your plans.

The only "issue", if I can call it that without insulting you, with your intro, is that it's a little too concise. For instance, it looks sort of like you put on parts of his profile. Especially this part:

Shan Ming Chu was one of the most highly recognized martial artists in Zhong, until he ended up on the run because of the rough time he had during the second Devourer War, instead of wearing fine robes and welding expensive swords, he now wears light, dry robes and welds unexpensive, practical swords. Commander (I got that from your intro) of the YingHe army, would end up fighting opposite sides than him later on in life.

I'm just assuming that that is part of his profile, and not part of his intro.

Just so you know, my character shares some/many aspects of fighting style with Shan Ming, since Shan Ming taught him, but his fighting style (I mean Xi Ye's) is composed of many styles, including traditional and styles that he made up himself. Idk what Shan Ming's is composed of. :D

That little detail was added in before but I think it would be helpful if they did not fight to the death even if they are on opposite sides. Judging from that little detail I'm assuming Shan Ming will help the Greencloaks?

And since you're not done yet, I just have two more quick and big suggestions: When you're using dialogue and there's a new person speaking, put a new paragraph, please. For instance:

The man who walked out of the doorway was Maddox himself, holding his ironic morning star in both hands. Shan Ming instantly and silently whipped out his sword and put it against Maddox’s neck.

“You think we haven’t known you were here?” laughed Maddox.

“And you don’t think you will be taken to custody tonight?” asked Shan Ming, raising an eyebrow.

“Get him boys!” yelled Maddox. A group of burly looking men surrounded the two. Shan Ming looked around and did a quick count.

9 people, he thought. “Is this your whole gang Maddox?” asked Shan Ming mockingly.

“Hah nope,” Maddox sneered. “The Oathbound support me and I support them, mutual supportion."

-----------------------------------

And the final suggestion is to add more details to the characters' thoughts and actions. My writing teacher (who is very smart) suggested to me that in a narrative dialogue should count for only 19 percent or less of the entire narrative. For me that's hard, so I just go ahead and think "less dialogue, more thoughts and action" instead. Dialogue should only lead the plot, not be the plot. I'm sorry, I also tend to add a lot of dialogue in my fictional writing, xD.

I can't wait for the start of the RP and see your finished Shan Ming intro (and the other ones, btw.) If there is anything I can help with let me know.

And my question is: What does Shan Ming think of Xi Ye? Because I know Xi Ye respects his mentor, but I'm sure of the other way around. :p xD

 

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forestclue25

My definition of writers block is not coming up with a good idea for something I want to write, or not being able to transfer my ideas on paper with good writing format.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

Okay, I think I have it now. Tell me what you think.

 

Sera:

 

I was in a dark void. I had been here once before. I was looking into my mind.

 

White smoke blended with the blackness, swirling around me like some sort of whirlpool. The white smoke shaped into a swan. I tried to gasp, but it was as if I could not draw breath.

 

”Sera, listen to me closely.”, a voice whispered. “Find these people and capture the remaining Oathbound. Take this to help you.” I felt a cold, smooth stone drop into my hand. 

 

“Do not fail me, Sera.”, the voice whispered, then faded away. The swan swirled back into the black smoke. Suddenly, the black erupted into flames. I cried out and started to sweat. What was happening?

 

”Sera! Sera, wake up!” Someone was shaking me awake. I opened my eyes to see Cindi looking down at me worriedly. “Why were you moaning?”

 

I released Artemis, my spirit animal, and sat up quickly, panting. I glanced down at the stone in my hand. It was in the shape of an oval, smooth and white, with a swan engraved on it. I gasped and turned it over. A list of names, including the people who had bonded with the Four Fallen, were on it. Conor, Abeke, Meilin, and Rollan were on a ship. The rest of the names I did not recognize.

 

”Do not fail me, Sera.”, the voice echoed in my mind. I knew what I had to do. I tightened my grip around the talisman.

 

“After your Nectar Ceremony tomorrow, we will board a ship and catch up with Meilin, Rollan, Abeke, and Conor.”, I told Cindi. “Then, we must find these people carved in the Marble Swan Of Nanani.” I felt the stone clutched in my hand and drew comfort from it. “Start packing. And get some sleep. We will have a long journey ahead.”

 

I thumped my feet to the floor and grabbed my trunk. Artemis nickered and nuzzled my shoulder. I absentmindedly stroked her golden nose and started packing. Cindi hurried to her room.

 

I got dressed and fastened my green cloak to my shoulders. Then I sat with my spirit animal and began my vigil until dawn.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

I wrote a good intro, but I don’t think it got through, it’s taking a while to show up. I’d hate to rewrite it, but I guess I’ll have to..

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

Oh, looky there, it did go through. Tell me what you think.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

Ugh, it’s too short. Sorry, I just need some more time.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

I think finally figured it out. Tell me what you think.

 

I sat on my bed in my room in Greenhaven castle, thinking. I released my spirit animal, a horse named Artemis. The golden mare came like a flash out of the tattoo that sat high on my shoulder, hidden my my cloak. I absentmindedly stroked her nose, thinking.

 Artemis nudged my hand. I glanced at her. She nickered softly and nuzzled my shoulder. What would I do without her? When I arrived at Greenhaven, I isolated myself from all but my sister, Cindi, and Artemis. Eventually, I made friends with Quin, but that was before the Battle of the Wyrm...

 Artemis nickered again. She gave me a stern look. Were horses able to do that? She nudged me again. She did this whenever I thought of something depressing, which was often. I changed my mind to how wonderful it wasn’t here, especially compared to that rundown orphanage in Amaya. I did wish Mom and Dad were here..

 Artemis snorted and looked toward the door. I quickly stood, and glanced down at my crossbow. No, I did not need it. I was sure I was safe at Greenhaven.

 Cindi came in. Her cheeks were red with excitement and her blue eyes sparkled.

 “Sera! It is my Ceremony today! Lenori said I was ready, and she will give me my Nectar as soon as you say it is okay and will come down?” She ended with an anxious note.

 I smiled. “Come on. Let’s go to your Nectar Ceremony.” I held out my arm and Artemis disappeared into a tattoo on my shoulder. I tightened the cloak around me and walked down the stairs with Cindi. She flipped her strawberry blonde hair and chattered about the animal she hoped she would summon. 

 We were finally in the center of Greenhaven. Many of the Greencloaks were gathered around. I desperately hoped Cindi summoned a spirit animal.

 Lenori strided toward Cindi, her cloak billowing in the wind. Lenori understood my visions, as well as my worries over.. well, everything.

 Cindi sipped the Nectar, and it seemed that she gave a faint glow. I wondered if I looked like that at my Ceremony. Probably not, I decided. No one could top Cindi’ constant happiness.

 There was a flash and a peal of thunder. And then a zebra appeared beside my sister. Cindi trembled and reached her hand out to the animal. It nickered and nuzzled her hand. I heard her whisper a name, and smiled. I remembered the feeling of summoning a spirit animal.

 Cindi ran to me, the zebra following. “Her name is Liza.”, she told me happily. I hugged her, and released Artemis. The two nickered and stood, side by side.

 Suddenly, all I could see was fire. It faded into darkness, and white smoke shaped into a hazy swan. I stumbled backwards. I had seen the swan only once before. 

 “Find the people. Take this.” A Stone was dropped into my hand. “Capture the remaining Oathbound.” The swan, and the voice, faded away.

 I moaned. Greencloaks surrounded me, including Cindi. I collapsed to the ground, still groaning. I could not see. The pain was blinding. I clutched the stone in my hand. I felt fingers prying at my hands, trying to take the stone from me. I tightened my grip. I could not let the stone go.

 “Olvan!”, a voice shouted. I did not open my eyes. “I must speak to you!” Olvan hurried away.

 Cindi shook me, Liza nickering to her, and I could feel Artemis nudging at me. My eyes flew open and the pain was gone.

 “Do not fail me, Sera,” that voice echoed in my mind.

 “Lenori!”, I cried. The Greencloak knelt by my side. I heard her order the others to go away. I heard Cindi protesting. “Please, Cindi, stay.”, I whispered. When we were all alone, I told Lenori about my vision and showed her the stone. 

 Lenori stared at it for a few seconds and said: “This is the Marble Swan Of Nanani. But it has names engraved on the back. You must find these people and gather the remaining Oathbound.” She looked puzzled.

 Cindi, now wearing a cloak that matched mine, gave me a sip of water. My vision cleared.

 That voice echoed in my mind. “Do not fail me, Sera.” I knew what I had to do.

 “Cindi, we must go pack. We need to board a ship and find these people. Then, we will round up the remaining Oathbound.”

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

I can’t wait to get started on this.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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dragondolphin2613

I really like your intro, it is great Meg!

 

Keep up the good work and hopefully, you solve your writer's block because I can't write too much today as I am busy

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

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forestclue25

Thanks guys, I’ll get this whole thing solved, I just need to look at something planned out on a piece of paper.

 

I can help revise stuff and all if you guys like. I literally have time spent with the boredom stick whacking me, so I just need to have a lot to do right now..

 

I really want to convey how Sera has a very strong bond with her spirit animal, and sort of how that helps her. The responsibility of caring for her sister has helped to shape her personality, fierce but a bit depressed or moody at times. Sort of like she has anxiety and her horse helps her to stop thinking about things like that.

 

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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dragondolphin2613

Hi Meg,

 

If you want to talk about a special spirit animal bond, maybe Sera can have a special ability she shares with Artemis. 

My character (Shan Ming) has an ability with his Spirit Animal (Xin Xin the small red fox, and Xin Xin means star) he gained while in exile to strengthen his Spirit Animal bond, and it is that his soul can leave his body and join Xin Xin in his, but his body is extremely vulnerable when in this state and he will die if Xin Xin is killed when he is in his body. He can return to his body at any time in Xin Xin’s body. 

 

I hope I helped you out a little and I will work on editing and revising...

 

Thanks again for joining us

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

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forestclue25

Thanks, I’ll think of something.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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scarletdragon3016

Hi Meg,

Can you revise my intro? I feel like it's weird. Though only do it if you have time.

Yeah, spirit animal bonds need to be worked on. What I have for XingHong (I will call him Scarlet when I'm referring to him?) is that he is both a good and bad existence in Xi Ye's life, as Xi Ye would be alone without him but Xi Ye will literally do anything to prevent his spirit animal from getting hurt, as he is paranoid from his bad dreams. (But Xi Ye is not crazy, don't get the wrong idea.) xD. Thanks.

 

 

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forestclue25

Okay, after this, I’ll stop bothering about my intro.

 

 I stood outside the training grounds and released Artemis, my golden horse. She stood before me, nickering. I patted her soft, bright nose absentmindedly, just thinking. Where would I be without my spirit animal? Still in that rundown orphanage in Amaya, most likely.

 I held a carrot out in my palm and she took it gently from me. I watched her swallow it, then toss her head up in the air, her black mane flying.

 “Ready to train?”, I asked. Artemis stamped her hoof and bobbed her head three times. I took that as a yes.

 “Let’s go.”, I smiled.

 I crouched, ready to run as fast as I could. Artemis stood beside me. When I heard the trumpet blow, I started running as fast as I could. I felt Artemis running beside me, and suddenly, I felt a boost of energy go through me. I ran so fast that the trees and grass we are a blur. Artemis was galloping her hardest, and together we ran side by side, fast as the wind.

 I heard shouting behind me and we skidded to a stop, just to have Cindi, my little sister, and her zebra, Liza, go right past us.

 It was as fin Artemis and I were one. We raced ahead, past Cindi and Liza. I felt like I as fast as the wind, like I was the wind. A bubble of joy built up inside of me, escaping in a loud, happy shout. I had never felt so free!

 When stopped just past the finish line and let Cindy and Liza skid to a stop beside us.

 “You guys looked like a blur!”, Cindi exclaimed. I smiled the biggest smile that I ever smiled in a long, long time.

 Another trumpet called, but different this time. I held out my arm. Artemis nickered and dipped her head to me, then disappeared into a tattoo on my shoulder. Finding held out her arm hopefully. Liza plainly looked at her.

 “You’ll get it.”, I assured her. “It took awhile for me to get Artemis to get to do it.”

 A second trumpet sounded, this one with three pauses in between.

 I frowned. Something was badly wrong for them to call the urgent code. We hurried to the center of Greenhaven.

 Olvan stood in the center of the crowd with a Zhongese man who had an owl perched on his shoulder. The man was breathing heavily as if he had run a long way.

 “I still everyone here?”, Olvan asked. He looked around and counted. Satisfied, he turned to the man. “Will you explain for us what exactly happened?”

 The man launched into a story of spying for a Greencloaks, all this stuff about Zhong armies, the commanders. As far as I could tell, he was caught and sent with a private message for Olvan. “Can we go somewhere private?”, he pleaded. Olvan nodded and they left.

 “Wait!” A woman called. She held a letter. “Conor, Meilin, Abeke, and Rollan have sent a letter with news!”

 “And?”, Olvan asked. The frown in his forehead deepened.

 “Horen the Forgiving and the rest of the Oathbound that were headed for Nilo escaped!” There was a gasp. My eyes widened.

 “I need volunteers to go with the Fallen and help capture the remaining Oathbound.”, Olvan said. “We will pick up more people on the way. A couple from here will be sufficient. Anyone interested?”

 I looked around. Everyone was hesitating. Before my mind could put the logic and doubts in, I raised my hand. “I will go.”, I said. Olvan smiled. 

 Cindi glanced at me, then straightened and said “I will also go.” 

 Dina, who trained Cindi, looked at her with concern. “Are you sure?”, she asked. “You are very new at this. You are, in fact, our newest Greencloak.”, she added.

 Cindi looked defiant. “If you are so concerned about me, you can also go, but you will not stop me going, too.” 

 Olvan smiled, and said “I’m sure she will be fine. And,” he assured Dina. “Sera will protect her.” I nodded. “Any more volunteers?” Dina raised her hand. Olvan nodded, then proclaimed in a loud voice:

 “Get ready the ships! They will leave tomorrow!” Then, turning to us. “Pack your trunks and get some sleep. You will have a long journey tomorrow. Also, I would suggest a few mint leaves for seasickness.”

 

I just realized that I made Olvan sound like Albus Dumbledore on Harry Potter.

 

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

I honestly thought that your introduction was amazing, I love how it conveys your bond. For your bond problem- your character might be paranoid, but all characters are like that with their spirit animals. If your character is extra worried, convey it into an anxiety sort of thing and have the spirit animal to distract, to show you that you can be free of worry, to cause to not worry.. stuff like that.. that’s sort of what I did. Like, imagine if you had anxiety in real life and had a dog to help you, sort of like a service dog. That’s would I imagine my spirit animal as, not just my partner, but as my freedom and distraction, something that takes my mind off my worries.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

Thumbnail avatar b8caa97db2

forestclue25

Sorry about the typos. I might add a few more details, but I am pretty sure this is my setting and base. From here on, I can edit. Any suggestions for me?

 

By the way, I am recording all of this, once we have finished, in a notebook. It would be so awesome if it could be published, and we could continue doing this on the SAMB to write a whole series.

 

You guys do know that we could actually do that, though, but with another topic so we would not be sued? That would be awesome. We would just find a way to get it published.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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dragondolphin2613

It’s all good about the typos...

 

I like your idea about the series but as I said in one of my earlier posts we have a set order for the intros because they are based on time, and if you can keep it in that chronological order it will be great and I am excited to work with you all for this series, as that was my original plan :D, and hopefully Zia will chip in to help...

 

 

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

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forestclue25

Post Script: About Revising Your Introduction and Your Bond

 

Your character has shown a soft side when it comes to his spirit animal, and nobility about not taking the Bile. My questions are:

 

1. How old is your character? And

2. Are you planning on joining the Greencloaks? I noticed that you added a sort of kindness when it came to that subject, and another of reluctance, and a sense of regret. You might not have meant it that way, but if you like, you can keep them and enhance them to make the story even better.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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forestclue25

Alrighty... mine will probably be set after yours and the Fallen’s. I’m already working on another “chapter” as I call it.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

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dragondolphin2613

Hello Meg,

 

I honestly do not know if you are referring to a specific character, but I will go ahead and answer these two questions:

 

1. My character is 35 (Yes, I know he is one of the oldies, and again if you want a good physical representation of what he looks like look up Ge Nie from Legend of Qin)

 

2. My character is not going to join the Greencloaks because if he does the Zhongese government could easily find out and could catch him, and I believe you know why he is on the run (Let me just tell you again, since he got tricked by Zerif to join the Conquerers prior to the Invasion of Zhong, and promptly switched sides during the Invasion of Zhong due to realizing the Conquerers true intentions, and after that battle he formed Zhongese Resistance Groups and even fought with General Teng's army at the Battle for Dinesh's Talisman, but because of his prompt side switching during the Invasion of Zhong he was branded as a spy by the government of Zhong, and has been on the run ever since...)

 

Please tell me if I shouldn't have answered these questions (If so, sorry :( )

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

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dragondolphin2613

When I originally typed it on Pages it had paragrah indicators, but they all disappeared on here, sorry guys, but this is my intro:

 

Shan Ming Chu was one of the most highly recognized martial artists in

Zhong, until he ended up on the run because of the rough time he had during the second Devourer War, instead of wearing fine robes and welding expensive swords, he now wears light, dry robes and welds unexpensive, practical swords. And who would know that He Xi Ye, Commander of the YingHe army, would end up fighting opposite sides than him later on in life?

Shan Ming stood outside the door of Maddox’s ship, hoping to hijack the vessel that night before Maddox and his new Conquerers free some minor Oathbound Commanders. He heard light footsteps, he pulled out his sword from it’s sheath almost completely silently, getting ready for quick combat.

The man who walked out of the doorway was Maddox himself, holding his ironic morning star in both hands. Shan Ming instantly and silently whipped out his sword and put it against Maddox’s neck. “You think we haven’t known you were here?” laughed Maddox. “And you don’t think you will be taken to custody tonight?” asked Shan Ming, raising an eyebrow.

“Get him boys!” yelled Maddox. A group of burly looking men surrounded the two. Shan Ming looked around and did a quick count. “9 people,” he thought. “Is this your whole gang Maddox?” asked Shan Ming mockingly. “Hah nope,” said Maddox, “The Oathbound support me and I support them, mutual supportion,” laughed Maddox.

Shan Ming, deciding he couldn’t fight his way out without making a scene, started his plan. He released the sword from it’s position by Maddox’s neck and used it to fight one of the soldiers surrounding him and broke out of the circle. He leaped up onto a couple supply crates and jumped up, held onto the edge of the roof and pulled himself up, all within 10 seconds.

“Should we continue with our planning?” asked Maddox, knowing Shan Ming was still there. “Yes,” said a soldier named Halati from the Hundred Isles. “My original plan was to send a seemingly innocent vessel out there and with the help of your whale, Leetha,” Halati gave a toothy grin and rubbed the tattoo on his forearm, “The vessel could easily catch up,” “But I changed my plan,” smirked Maddox. “What is it boss?” asked Halati. “We are sending the pirates we work with to seize the prisoner ship, but still with the boost of Leetha, and as their payment, it will be all members of the crew on-board.”

“Sounds great boss,” grinned Halati. “I can’t let the Oathbound escape,” thought Shan Ming. “But I can give an anonymous tip…,” he smirked. He leaped across a couple rooftops, in-search of an unprepared Zhongese government official…

As he gracefully leaped across a particularly wide rooftop, he suddenly felt his chin rammed into something hard, and then he was falling, his arm suddenly shot upwards, out of instinct and  gripped onto the ledge of the rooftop. His arms burned, and while he hauled himself up, a loud Zhongese voice shouted, “Aren’t you the man we have been after for two years now?”. “Yes, but excuse me sir I really need to borrow your clothes,” Shan Ming leaped down to the man, and gave him a light kick on the head to knock him unconscious.”

“You can’t do tha—,” the slightly older man fainted. “I really appreciate it,” laughed Shan Ming, his voice trailing off across the night as he held the clothes. Shan Ming found a closed restaurant and broke into it to change in it’s restroom.

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

Thumbnail avatar 95c241ea61

scarletdragon3016

Hey Meg,

Thank you for complimenting my intro. I'm glad you thought it was good.

I wouldn't really call it a bond "problem"; just sort of an issue for Xi Ye individually. Yes, I know that all characters care about their spirit animals (most of the ones with a heart, anyways, excluding Song before), but Xi Ye sort of... takes it to a new level because of his dreams. His dreams have always been too realistic and he is afraid his spirit animal will actually die. That is what I mean by "paranoid". (Sorry for the overload of quotation marks and elipses, by the way.) And of course his animal will comfort him, he is about the opposite of my character's personality, xD.

That is a very good suggestion; I'll think about it to see how I can improve it! :D

 

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scarletdragon3016

To All:

I just hope I'm not annoying you with all of my wordiness. Unfortunately, my energy in real life turns into this on the forums, xD.

:D

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scarletdragon3016

Meg,

Don't worry about typos. Since I'm not being graded on this I don't care that much about perfect-perfect everything, just that the reader can understand what is being said.

I can't think of any suggestions right now, I have a massive headache that has persisted for a few days. Sorry, I'll try to add more later.

I am recording this in a Word Document, and I think we may already have a team to write a new book for the Spirit Animals team! xD.

We would have to get around the copyright and ask for permission. Urgh, I seriously wish we could email, that would be a lot faster. As Rysun said before, we could try and write a story version of this RP. :D

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scarletdragon3016

Hi Meg, I'm assuming you're talking to me when you have that post script attached.

Yang Shan, please also read.

 

Yeah, this is where it gets sort of complicated.

Xi Ye does have a soft side, and could be called "noble", I guess. (I am being modest for him; sorry, xD.) The catch there is that he is helping the side of "bad", while all of the other characters so far (Shan Ming, yours, Zia's) are helping the other. However, Xi Ye is not evil. He has a good side and is just that kind of character who might help the other side for some reason... or do something unexpected.

When I looked at Zia's intro, I saw that her character was sort of more intolerant when someone challenges her. For instance, that poor captain got hit off the ship (no offense to your character, Zia.) Basically, Xi Ye demonstrated a sort of tolerance and mercy when he let that Greencloak back, and I'm wondering if during your intro (or Rysun's) they somehow meet Ling and the plot intertwines?

 

To answer your questions:

1. I think he is about 13 or 14, but he looks much younger than that.

2. I don't plan on him joining the Greencloaks, but anything could happen. Don't get your hopes up, though. Xi Ye has always been very solitary and not very accepting of other people, but he has a good side to him. For instance, he only injures and kills enemies, but he does not like hurting anyone else. Xi Ye has a conflicting personality, but I wouldn't really call it "reluctance", or "regret", though it may evolve into that sometime. I did mean to hint some of his personality into that twist, but I don't think I did so well.

You're welcome to give some more specific examples on specific parts where I could enhance them. Some parts may not even be needed. :P

Thanks!

 

Yang Shan, please answer something regarding how the characters meet one another. Or does Xi Ye get left out for a longer time? I think Ling might appear soon. For example, if Sera (I'm sorry if spelling is wrong) and the other Greencloaks are about to go, Ling comes back to Greenhaven and gives them the message Xi Ye gave him before he let him go. (Sorry, pronoun confusion.) So they are now aware of this "Commander". From then the plot could progress. Maybe they wouldn't pay much heed to it, until at some point the Oathbound clash again with the Greencloaks and the Ying He army comes to help? I really don't know. Anyone who can help would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

 

And one final note: I am not giving more information on Ling other than what is already here. He is my mystery character. Just kidding, xD. Not about that part about no more info. I'm actually not giving that. He will develop with the plot.

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Yang Shan,

You haven't answered my question about what your character thinks about Xi Ye? Because that could totally change what I'm imagining. Please reply :D.

 

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scarletdragon3016

Hey Meg, don't worry about bothering, you're not. Speaking of bothering, I have about 10 more posts to reply to, because that is my pesky way of addressing everything.

I'll paste it with my proofreading corrections:

 

I stood outside the training grounds and released Artemis, my golden horse. She stood before me, nickering. I patted her soft, bright nose absentmindedly, just thinking. Where would I be without my spirit animal? Still in that rundown orphanage in Amaya, most likely. I held a carrot out in my palm and she took it gently from me. I watched her swallow it, then toss her head up in the air, her black mane flying.

 “Ready to train?” I asked. Artemis stamped her hoof and bobbed her head three times. I took that as a yes.

 “Let’s go,” I smiled.

 I crouched, ready to run as fast as I could. Artemis stood beside me. When I heard the trumpet blow, I started running as fast as I could. I felt Artemis running beside me, and suddenly, I felt a boost of energy go through me. I ran so fast that the trees and grass we are a blur. Artemis was galloping her hardest, and together we ran side by side, fast as the wind.

 I heard shouting behind me and we skidded to a stop, just to have Cindi, my little sister, and her zebra, Liza, go right past us.

 It was as if Artemis and I were one. We raced ahead, past Cindi and Liza. I felt like I as fast as the wind, like I was the wind. A bubble of joy built up inside of me, escaping in a loud, happy shout. I had never felt so free!

 When stopped just past the finish line and let Cindy and Liza skid to a stop beside us.

 “You guys looked like a blur!” Cindi exclaimed. I smiled the biggest smile that I ever smiled in a long, long time.

 Another trumpet called, but different this time. I held out my arm. Artemis nickered and dipped her head to me, then disappeared into a tattoo on my shoulder. Finding held out her arm hopefully. Liza plainly looked at her.

 “You’ll get it,” I assured her. “It took awhile for me to get Artemis to get to do it.”

 A second trumpet sounded, this one with three pauses in between.

 I frowned. Something was badly wrong for them to call the urgent code. We hurried to the center of Greenhaven.

 Olvan stood in the center of the crowd with a Zhongenese man who had an owl perched on his shoulder. The man was breathing heavily as if he had run a long way.

 “I still everyone here?” Olvan asked. He looked around and counted. Satisfied, he turned to the man. “Will you explain for us what exactly happened?”

 The man launched into a story of spying for a Greencloaks, all this stuff about Zhong armies, the commanders. As far as I could tell, he was caught and sent with a private message for Olvan. “Can we go somewhere private?”, he pleaded. Olvan nodded and they left.

 “Wait!” A woman called. She held a letter. “Conor, Meilin, Abeke, and Rollan have sent a letter with news!”

 “And?” Olvan asked. The frown in his forehead deepened.

 “Horen the Forgiving and the rest of the Oathbound that were headed for Nilo escaped!” There was a gasp. My eyes widened.

 “I need volunteers to go with the Fallen and help capture the remaining Oathbound,” Olvan said. “We will pick up more people on the way. A couple from here will be sufficient. Anyone interested?”

 I looked around. Everyone was hesitating. Before my mind could put the logic and doubts in, I raised my hand. “I will go,” I said. Olvan smiled. 

 Cindi glanced at me, then straightened and said, “I will also go.” 

 Dina, who trained Cindi, looked at her with concern. “Are you sure?”, she asked. “You are very new at this. You are, in fact, our newest Greencloak,” she added.

 Cindi looked defiant. “If you are so concerned about me, you can also go, but you will not stop me going, too.” 

 Olvan smiled, and said, “I’m sure she will be fine. And,” he assured Dina, “Sera will protect her.” I nodded. “Any more volunteers?” Dina raised her hand. Olvan nodded, then proclaimed in a loud voice:

 “Get ready the ships! They will leave tomorrow!” Then, turning to us. “Pack your trunks and get some sleep. You will have a long journey tomorrow. Also, I would suggest a few mint leaves for seasickness.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

There is a major grammatical error you continue to repeat: Do not put a comma after you use the quotation marks. All the punctuation goes into them. If you have questions regarding this please let me know. Thanks! :D

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      G

      a

       l

      a

    Explosion

       i

      a

      n

 

 

Also here with...

Silence

Hitan

Camus

Milo

Shaka 

Gemini

Shura

 

(Possibly more on the way; everything is WIP, including this signature, please wait...)

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scarletdragon3016

Hi Yang Shan,

Just minor issues I can think of now. First, I don't think they have "restrooms" in Erdas, sorry.

Second, your format is proving to be really confusing to read. Please put proper paragraph formatting to your dialogue and add a new paragraph whenever a new character is speaking, or when an action may be confusing to the reader. Please don't feel insulted; thanks!

Though I have to say, with Xi Ye's stern personality and all, it was a wonder that he was taught by Shan Ming, who seems much more mischievous (intentional or unintentional, Idk, xD)

Anyways, I will add more tomorrow. Btw, some of my messages have not come through after days. I don't know what I put on there that made it blocked. I sure wish I could communicate with the mods.

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      G

      a

       l

      a

    Explosion

       i

      a

      n

 

 

Also here with...

Silence

Hitan

Camus

Milo

Shaka 

Gemini

Shura

 

(Possibly more on the way; everything is WIP, including this signature, please wait...)

Thumbnail avatar 13c79f8bb1

crimsonnight142

Ok, so if you want me to do a certain job on here I can, but I won’t be on as often as the rest of you and my posts will not be as long.

 

second, are we going to do the username email thing?

 

Third, Do we have a good time or day that we can throw out a bunch of time line ideas then narrow it down?

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{Zia}

“Its not the future your afraid of. Its repeating the past that makes you anxious.”

 

”A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, but a man who doesn't read lives only one.”

Thumbnail avatar b8caa97db2

forestclue25

Alright, thanks for the suggestions. As far as I know, that will be my intro, I just need to fix a bunch of typing errors. I type so fast that I spell something wrong and then there is spellcheck. I hate spellcheck.

 

All we really need to is to keep editing. Ruohan, I like how your character has a lot of twists and turns. We need to have our characters show different sides of personality to keep the readers on edge, if we are actually able to publish. I think that is possible.

 

Zia, if your intro is done, we could all use help revising and editing and organizing the timetable where we put in all of the intros, and then chapters.

 

Did you guys see the thing on the Oathbound Oppression board that I posted? I think it would be a good idea to keep us all organized and on the same page- or board.

 

I am so excited to start. My suggestions- you write down your rough drafts in a notebook, revise, edit. If you are stuck, copy it on here and ask for help. I think we are doing really good so far on that. Then, copy your final copy down here. This is going to be fun.

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Meg

 

I am a Christian, a squeaky clarinet, a forever Ravenclaw, a loyal Greencloak, a Heartland fanatic, horse crazy, a bookworm, an aspiring author.

 People laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are ALL THE SAME.

 

 

 

 

 

Thumbnail avatar 8ffb7d24bb

dragondolphin2613

Honestly, I understand where you are coming from about the "Restrooms" but, where can they use the bathroom? Like really, I don't think they will talk about restrooms in an action fast-paced book/series, if that's where you are coming from, (no trying to be offensive but just saying...)

 

I will fix the dialogue and paragraph breaks problem in my new draft down below:

 

Shan Ming Chu was one of the most highly recognized martial artists in Zhong, until he ended up on the run because of the rough time he had during the second Devourer War, instead of wearing fine robes and welding expensive swords, he now wears light, dry robes and welds unexpensive, practical swords. And who would know that He Xi Ye, Commander of the YingHe army, would end up fighting opposite sides than him later on in life?

 

Shan Ming stood outside the door of Maddox’s ship, hoping to hijack the vessel that night before Maddox and his new Conquerers free some minor Oathbound Commanders. He heard light footsteps, he pulled out his sword from it’s sheath almost completely silently, getting ready for quick combat.

 

The man who walked out of the doorway was Maddox himself, holding his ironic morning star in both hands. Shan Ming instantly and silently whipped out his sword and put it against Maddox’s neck. “You think we haven’t known you were here?” laughed Maddox. “And you don’t think you will be taken to custody tonight?” asked Shan Ming, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Get him boys!” yelled Maddox. A group of burly looking men surrounded the two. Shan Ming looked around and did a quick count. “9 people,” he thought. “Is this your whole gang Maddox?” asked Shan Ming mockingly. “Hah nope,” said Maddox, “The Oathbound support me and I support them, mutual supportion,” laughed Maddox.

 

Shan Ming, deciding he couldn’t fight his way out without making a scene, started his plan. He released the sword from it’s position by Maddox’s neck and used it to fight one of the soldiers surrounding him and broke out of the circle. 

 


He leaped up onto a couple supply crates and jumped up, held onto the edge of the roof and pulled himself up, all within 10 seconds.

 

“Should we continue with our planning?” asked Maddox, knowing Shan Ming was still there. “Yes,” said a soldier named Halati from the Hundred Isles. “My original plan was to send a seemingly innocent vessel out there and with the help of your whale, Leetha,” Halati gave a toothy grin and rubbed the tattoo on his forearm, “The vessel could easily catch up,” 

 


“But I changed my plan,” smirked Maddox. “What is it boss?” asked Halati. “We are sending the pirates we work with to seize the prisoner ship, but still with the boost of Leetha, and as their payment, it will be all members of the crew on-board.”

“Sounds great boss,” grinned Halati. “I can’t let the Oathbound escape,” thought Shan Ming. “But I can give an anonymous tip…,” he smirked. He leaped across a couple rooftops, in-search of an unprepared Zhongese government official…

 

As he gracefully leaped across a particularly wide rooftop, he suddenly felt his chin rammed into something hard, and then he was falling, his arm suddenly shot upwards, out of instinct and  gripped onto the ledge of the rooftop. His arms burned, and while he hauled himself up, a loud Zhongese voice shouted, 

 


“Aren’t you the man we have been after for two years now?”. “Yes, but excuse me sir I really need to borrow your clothes,” Shan Ming leaped down to the man, and gave him a light kick on the head to knock him unconscious.”

 

“You can’t do tha—,” the slightly older man fainted. “I really appreciate it,” laughed Shan Ming, his voice trailing off across the night as he held the clothes. Shan Ming found a closed restaurant and broke into it to change.

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

Thumbnail avatar 8ffb7d24bb

dragondolphin2613

Shan Ming Chu was one of the most highly recognized martial artists in Zhong, until he ended up on the run because of the rough time he had during the second Devourer War, instead of wearing fine robes and welding expensive swords, he now wears light, dry robes and welds unexpensive, practical swords. And who would know that He Xi Ye, Commander of the YingHe army, would end up fighting opposite sides than him later on in life?

 

Shan Ming stood outside the door of Maddox’s ship, hoping to hijack the vessel that night before Maddox and his new Conquerers free some minor Oathbound Commanders. He heard light footsteps, he pulled out his sword from it’s sheath almost completely silently, getting ready for quick combat.

 

The man who walked out of the doorway was Maddox himself, holding his ironic morning star in both hands. Shan Ming instantly and silently whipped out his sword and put it against Maddox’s neck. “You think we haven’t known you were here?” laughed Maddox. “And you don’t think you will be taken to custody tonight?” asked Shan Ming, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Get him boys!” yelled Maddox. A group of burly looking men surrounded the two. Shan Ming looked around and did a quick count. “9 people,” he thought. “Is this your whole gang Maddox?” asked Shan Ming mockingly. “Hah nope,” said Maddox, “The Oathbound support me and I support them, mutual supportion,” laughed Maddox.

 

Shan Ming, deciding he couldn’t fight his way out without making a scene, started his plan. He released the sword from it’s position by Maddox’s neck and used it to fight one of the soldiers surrounding him and broke out of the circle. 

 


He leaped up onto a couple supply crates and jumped up, held onto the edge of the roof and pulled himself up, all within 10 seconds.

 

“Should we continue with our planning?” asked Maddox, knowing Shan Ming was still there. “Yes,” said a soldier named Halati from the Hundred Isles. “My original plan was to send a seemingly innocent vessel out there and with the help of your whale, Leetha,” Halati gave a toothy grin and rubbed the tattoo on his forearm, “The vessel could easily catch up,” 

 


“But I changed my plan,” smirked Maddox. “What is it boss?” asked Halati. “We are sending the pirates we work with to seize the prisoner ship, but still with the boost of Leetha, and as their payment, it will be all members of the crew on-board.”

“Sounds great boss,” grinned Halati. “I can’t let the Oathbound escape,” thought Shan Ming. “But I can give an anonymous tip…,” he smirked. He leaped across a couple rooftops, in-search of an unprepared Zhongese government official…

 

As he gracefully leaped across a particularly wide rooftop, he suddenly felt his chin rammed into something hard, and then he was falling, his arm suddenly shot upwards, out of instinct and  gripped onto the ledge of the rooftop. His arms burned, and while he hauled himself up, a loud Zhongese voice shouted, 

 


“Aren’t you the man we have been after for two years now?”. “Yes, but excuse me sir I really need to borrow your clothes,” Shan Ming leaped down to the man, and gave him a light kick on the head to knock him unconscious.”

 

“You can’t do tha—,” the slightly older man fainted. “I really appreciate it,” laughed Shan Ming, his voice trailing off across the night as he held the clothes. Shan Ming found a closed restaurant and broke into it to change.

Shan Ming walked out of the bathroom. He heard the shrill cry of an owl, and heavy footsteps. He leaped onto a rooftop to avoid and watch the passerby.

 


It was a man, wearing light armor and a long black cloak. He had an owl following him by his side. “He is one of the marked, but why is he here?” thought Shan Ming, “He isn’t wear the official Zhongese Armor, but more like the armor of…,” Shan Ming struggled to remember, “of the Ying He army!”

 


“So that means that he probably got fired or punished and got kicked ot of the army, and that means he offended Xi Ye, my disciple at some point,” realized Shan Ming. He followed the man and the bird on the rooftops, before getting a burst of speed when he released Xin Xin, his small red fox. He leaped down as quiet as can be in front of the pair. 

 


“Are you part of the Ying He army?” asked Shan Ming. “I-I-I used to b-b-be,” the nervous man stammered, “Until Commander Xi Ye realized I was a Greencloak spy.” “Well, fun fact, Xi Ye was my former disciple at some point. I have a boat docked at Xin Kao Dai, it has a reddish brown hull and a couple brown bags of food. Then get to Greenhaven from there,” said Shan Ming. 

 


“Take these gold coins for any stops at port cities,” Shan Ming handed him a couple golden coins, and the Greencloak bowed down to him. “No, I cannot accept this, you are already giving me so much,” the man said humbly. “Take it, I am on the run as you probably know, and many others have helped me when I needed it, so take it!” Shan Ming said. "I only have one request though," Shan Ming said stoidly, "When you get to Greenhaven tell them that I will assist the Four Fallen and their Partners in catching the Oathbound whenever I can."

 


The Greencloak bowed to him again before stuffing the coins inside his pocket and running off into the night. “Now, time to meet my old disciple, see how he’s doing,” smirked Shan Ming…

 

 

And Shan Ming has a serious, stern & stolid side, but his more mischievous side started showing up more after breaking countless laws and rules while he is on the run.

 

 

 

 

 

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T!Gɔə↱

 

Translation: Tiger

 

♜♞

 

Call me TigerTiger-Strike, or Tiger-Strike #7

 

I will be very inactive because of school

 

 

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