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scarletdragon3016

A husband is on the way to the store, when his wife calls and tells him: "Please get me a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get me a dozen."

When the husband comes home, his wife sees him struggling while carrying twelve gallons of milk back into the house. "Why in the world would you get me twelve gallons of milk?" asked the wife, exasperated.

"They had eggs" was the reply.

The Moral of the Story: Always go to the store yourself.

 

P.S. If you would like me to add more jokes, just post! I have a lot today. Or you could post your own... :D

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tornadowave90

That sounds like something I would actually do. ;-;

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scarletdragon3016

Here's another one, guys! This one seems more weird to me, though...

 

Timothy had just gotten a new job delivering pizza and just as luck would have it, his first delivery was to be had at Ms. Skrimp's house, who was famous all over town for being a skinflint.

When she answered the door, he gave her the pizza. Like the rumors told of, she asked him, "I suppose you want a tip from me. Now, tell me, what do you usually get?"

"Well," he replied modestly, "they all told me I was lucky to get a penny from you."

"They did, did they?" she asked, only the slightest bit insulted at others' remarks about her. "Well, you go tell them all you got from me was five dollars, young man," she said, while putting a five-dollar bill in Timothy's hand.

"Thank you, Ms. Skrimp!" he exclaimed gratefully, as he shoved the money into his pocket. "I'll put that right into my college fund!"

"College?" she looked interested. "What are you majoring in?"

With a smirk, Timothy replied: "Applied Psychology."

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puppybutterfly126

You don't get it?

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kindinky23

wHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?!

 

*Crickets*

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dragonwolf2982

That second one...

 

Is both hilarious and sounds like something I would do o_o XD

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scarletdragon3016

Two auto dealers were trying to one-up one another about how bad the economy--and business-was.

"I tell you, George, business is terrible," one said. "Yesterday I sold only one car!"

"Really, Charlie?" the other, George, retorted. "Business is even more terrible for me, because yesterday I only sold one car!"

"How can that be so bad?" Charlie asked, puzzled.

"Because today, the customer returned it!"

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bookishunicorn121

Ok this one isnt weird, just stupid, and is a riddle so you can guess the answer (unless u have heard it before, than dont say the answer)

 

 

You are in a room with a box a flashlight, and a stick, there is no door and the walls are incredibly thick (and the ceiling and floor), how do get out?

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