Don’t stop and think – just write. It doesn’t have to tie together. Just write.
Ready, set, go.
The shadows reach for my soul, and the darkness plagues me day after day. It is only when I am asleep that I am at peace, for it is then and only then that I cannot feel, that I am spared from the relentless agony that tortures me in every waking moment. Daylight is my worst fear, for it is when the sun shines that I am torn apart. The light of day brings pain and suffering – the shadows of night bring salvation. As long as I do not wake, I cannot hurt, and the shadows can haunt me no more.
You must understand, then, why I chose to sleep forever. Comatose, for all time. Unfeeling. At peace. Free from my suffering. Free from my demons.
It is not death I chose. Oh no. I chose the Eternal Sleep, which is not death but something of similar . . . hm. How to explain this to a mortal?
I am not dead, yet I have never been further from alive.
The Eternal Sleep takes one to an entirely different reality, a reality where nightmares come alive. I am haunted in my Eternal Sleep, haunted by living nightmares . . . but the nightmares can be combated. I can rise against my nightmares and defeat them. I cannot, however, defeat my inner demons.
But here, I am free from them, and the constant danger is a minor price to pay for my eternal freedom.
I wonder if it is indeed possible for one to fight his inner demons, and to emerge the victor. Could it be that I am perhaps not as strong as I believe? Could I have been stronger? Could I have been braver?
The demons destroyed all that . . . but can one be brave in the battle against his demons? Can one be strong when his inner demons are tearing his soul apart?
In my world of nightmares, I wonder these things. And what hurts me now, just when I thought I was at last free from pain, is that no one is here to give me an answer.
I’ve never had anyone. Oh no. Never. I’ve been on my own since time began. Abandoned by a faceless family – there are mere ghosts to me. I don’t remember a single face nor voice. Unloved, I was, and unloved I will always be. That reality breaks me, more than these nightmares ever could, and that reality feeds my inner demons. It makes them stronger. More and more they tear me apart, reaching me even in Eternal Sleep, and soon I will be truly broken.
It is too late for me.
(c) 2018 Samurai
I’m okay . . . my writing is just made of angst, that's all. :/
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- Samurai -
Kami: You know that technique is forbidden, Piccolo.
Piccolo: Your face is forbidden.
Thorn Jaguar Tarik Akira