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unicornwolf33

A while back I did a thread where I reviewed people's characters and gave them advice and constructive criticism for improvement. I am here once more to reboot that and give my opinions on your all's different characters.

 

I don't know how long I'll keep this going for, as I'm rather inconsistent when it comes to doing these sorts of things, but I enjoy talking about characters and I've realized, at least lately, there hasn't been many threads on the topic. Also, this idea is in no way "original" or my own, so anyone can feel free to make threads like this in the future. 

 

Now, to address some of the confusion there was on the last one I did, I will try to explain how to submit a character on this thread. The process really is quite simple;

 

I review both roleplay characters and characters intended to be written for fictional stories. To get started, you'll need to write out a form about your character. If you are unfamiliar with what a form is, it's a template that gives me information about your character. Here's an example of what a form looks like:

 

Name:

Age:

Gender:

Personality:

Appearance:

Other:

 

Now that's a bare bones, minimalist form, but it's something to work with. Of course you can (and probably should in most cases) add more sections to your form.depending on the type of character you have. If you have a character that uses magic for instance, add a section for magic in your character form so you can describe what type of magic they use. If you have a character that  isn't human, add a section for species, etc. If you roleplay or  already have forms filled out for your character, feel free to go ahead and submit those if you wish. and while.it isn't required, it's recommended that you bold the different sections (like I did above) for readability, especially if your form is long. 

 

With all of that out of the way, I would also like to mention that this is all just my opinion. It's perfectly fine if you don't agree with what I 'm.saying or if there are certain aspects of your character that you don't want to change. I will try my best not to be offending to anyone during this process, but if you do feel a little hurt by what I'm saying, try to be understanding. My purpose is to be educational and insightful, not to make anyone feel bad about their characters. 

 

Alright, now I can finally conclude my lengthy introduction. Send in your characters! :)

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ʟʏs ʀʙʟ ʀɪs ɪs ʜʀ, ʙʜɪɴ ʜ ʀ, ɪɴ ʜ ɴx ʀ; ʙ ɪ ʜ ʟs ʜ ʏ. ʀʜs ɪ ʜ ɴʟʏ ɪsʟɪ ɪ. /ɪɴ
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wolfheart1601

Name: Lillith Cowell

Age: Depends on the RP, but usually around 16-20

Gender: Male

Personality: He has a very cheerful personality. He's pretty excitable and can sometimes be unintentionally annoying to others. He's a very curious soul and seems to be quite innocent. However, he's not really as innocent as people believe he is. He has a hidden side that very few people have ever seen: his yandere side. He's loyal to a fault and that includes being violently protective of those he cares about. He's usually pretty good about hiding his negative emotions, though, unless someone he cares about is hurt especially bad.

Appearance: Tends to be a little different every RP, but this is typically what it's like; He has short-ish, wavy, kinda fluffy cotton-candy-pink hair and lovely blue-violet eyes. His skin is almost like porcelin, but slightly tanned. He has light freckles across the bridge of his nose and on his cheeks. He's a bit on the taller side, standing at about 5'10", and he has a thin, but surprisingly sturdy build.

Other: Usually he's either an assassin or a model (in a current RP he's both XD), but there have been a couple times when he was something else (like a winged Guardian or a Hufflepuff wizard).

He LOVES sweets of any kind.

His backstory tends to change with each RP, so I won't put that here. XD

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~Wolfheart~

 

#RangerDecidueye

#LongLiveDrunkleQrow

#LoveZerefDragneel

#NeverForgetMaesHughes

 

GRYFFINDOR/HUFFLEPUFF

 

One Riot, One Ranger

 

"To the socially awkward." ~ Jaune Arc

 

"When I say it doesn't HURT me, that means I can BEAR it." ~ Killua Zoldyck

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dragonwolf4753

Bookmark, count on me sending in at least five characters Lycus, I'm going to test you mentally with the amount fo characters I'm gettign ready to ship out to you. 

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Seeker/V̵̰̱̾̂̇̀̈́͜ǒ̴̪͓̺̎̀̌̐́̏̈́̅ȉ̵̢̧̦̣̼͙͇͔̖̍̓͌̀̇͜d̸͖̼̟̝̪͖͆̅̿ ʜɪʀ-ʟʏɪ-ʀʙʟ

 

ɪ ɴ' ʀ ɪ ʀ ʏ ɪɴ,ɪ ʀʟʏ ɪ ʀ ɢɪɴ ʀʏ ɪ

The house was awake, the shadows and monsters. The hallways, they echoed and groaned

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cobraphoenix530

Bookmark. I need someone to nerf some characters.

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                    ♠

           sʜˑʜʀˑʙsʟ ss

     “ʜɴ ɪ s ʏ ɪ ғʟʟ ɪɴ ʟ

 ᴀɴ ʏ sɪʟ ʙs ʏ ɴ

               ˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑ

                     ˑɪɴ: ɪʀˑ

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amberpegasus203

Bookmark.

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Raven Tsakaryn

   ~est. April 2014~

 

Oh, how I've missed you, my friend...

Time has changed us both.

But deep down, our hearts remain the same.

So, no matter where life takes us, remember...

 

 

 

 

 

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unicornwolf33

@Seeker: *Is bracing for the volley of characters to be thrown at me*

 

@Joker (I can't actually read your name- it doesn't show up on my device, so correct me if I'm wrong): Go right ahead :)

 

@Raven: Alrighty

 

@Wolfheart

 

Honestly I really appreciate that his name's Lilith. I was assuming his gender was female and I'm glad to be proven wrong. Though is that his birth name or more like a "stage name" for his assassin/modeling career? If he just has progressive cool parents that's cool too. 

 

I like the basic premise of his personality and I know you didn't write much so there might be more, but it just seems like his personality is a little flat? Most people don't "switch" from two extremes, they're more nuanced and faceted. I think a good way to correct this is to round him out more, like explaining how he's like with close friends versus strangers, or how he reacts when he's upset (not just angry, but remorseful or detached). By doing that, you have more personality traits to go off of, and it won't just seem like he dips back and forth between two extremes. Of.course, a backstory to explain why he's like that is helpful, but  I don't like writing backstories out for my characters either so I completely understand. Anyways, by adding more to his personality you can acheive more depth and complexity to his character without having to remove anything from him. In fact, you'd be adding more, which in most  cases isn't ever a bad idea to do with a character.

 

Usually I'm not as analytical when it comes to his appearances because generally, they aren't as important in a writing or roleplaying medium. I have to ask though;  Is this character set in an anime type world where people with unusual hair and eye colours are commonplace, or is his hair dyed and he wears contacts? Now either one I can understand, since obviously, if he's set in a world where technicolour hair and eyes are the norm, then there really isn't much to say. And if he's a model, then he would have the resources to invest to alter his appearance and stand out. The only problem is that in a more realistic setting, being a purple-eyed pink haired assassin could make him stand out more than he'd like too. I can't imagine there would be too many people in that world who look like that, and if he's caught doing criminal activity, it would be even easier to find him. I'm not saying that he can't or shouldn't be an assassin, but those are some things to take into account when you're writing out a murder and there are witnesses. Even if he dresses in ski masks and wears a black cap, those things could easily slip off depending on the circumstances. Just something to keep in mind. 

 

I'm very curious about your character and I like what I've read so far. I hope you continue to develop him because he has lots of potential.

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ʟʏs ʀʙʟ ʀɪs ɪs ʜʀ, ʙʜɪɴ ʜ ʀ, ɪɴ ʜ ɴx ʀ; ʙ ɪ ʜ ʟs ʜ ʏ. ʀʜs ɪ ʜ ɴʟʏ ɪsʟɪ ɪ. /ɪɴ
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wolfheart1601

Lillith is his birth name. ^^

 

I've had Lillith as an OC for awhile, but the "yandere" part is a more recent addition to his personality, so I'm still figuring out how to even out his personality more. I'll start thinking more about those things that you suggested. ^^

 

I had a feeling his hair and eyes would come up. Tbh, whether his hair and eye colors are natural or not depends on what kind of RP I'm using him in. If it's a fantasy RP or anime-based or something of the sort, then they're natural. But if it seems the RP is more realistic, then they're not natural. Actually, in the Harry Potter RP I had him in a few months ago, he accidentally turned his hair and eyes those colors with an experimental spell when he was a kid. XD There was actually one RP where I gave him platinum blonde hair, instead of pink, though, that was a long time ago.

Also, about the hair and eyes and assassination thing.. he's a sniper assassin, so he doesn't usually have to worry about being seen or caught in the act. I understand what you're saying, though. In the off chance that he is caught, his odd appearance would be problematic.

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~Wolfheart~

 

#RangerDecidueye

#LongLiveDrunkleQrow

#LoveZerefDragneel

#NeverForgetMaesHughes

 

GRYFFINDOR/HUFFLEPUFF

 

One Riot, One Ranger

 

"To the socially awkward." ~ Jaune Arc

 

"When I say it doesn't HURT me, that means I can BEAR it." ~ Killua Zoldyck

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joyfulcat108

Bookmark, I might want to see my character(s) be criticized XD

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Dreamkeeper

 

"I stand at the turning of the years"

"Before going their separate ways forever"

"No one deserves to fade away"

"Teach me how to say goodbye"

"I wish I had more TNT"

"They'd say I got no heart"

 

Current Stats—Hospital

RIP (rest in pieces)

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rabbitadorable23

Bookmark

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Sunshine

or

Sakari

 

Queen of colorrabbits, and much more

Pink fluffeh unicorns dancing orainbows!!

#NERDYGEEKANDPROUD

Jesuloveyou!!

Goodbye everyone... it was good while it lasted. I'll always remember you, SAMB.

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unicornwolf33

Up!

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ʟʏs ʀʙʟ ʀɪs ɪs ʜʀ, ʙʜɪɴ ʜ ʀ, ɪɴ ʜ ɴx ʀ; ʙ ɪ ʜ ʟs ʜ ʏ. ʀʜs ɪ ʜ ɴʟʏ ɪsʟɪ ɪ. /ɪɴ
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parakeetpanther60

She's a pretty vague character and I was wondering if you could help me fix 'er up? Much appreciated Lycus

 

Name: Marissa (need a last name)

 

Gender: Female

 

Age: 17

 

Likes: Music that is typically considered "emo", while most find that music depressing, it makes her happy and music is her motivation; Reptiles, she owns a ball python; Knives and most kinds of blades, she has an unhealthy obsession with them, and they're her favorite weapon

 

Dislikes: Rude people, they absolutely kill her mood; Bland food, if her food is bland, she can't swallow it as hard as she tries, it makes her want to puke. She'd rather eat actual dirt than something disguised as steak, but tastes like cardboard

 

Fears: Little dogs freak her out, and she's always secretly worried that she's not good enough, even to the people that constantly remind her that she is

 

Appearance: She stands at about 5"3, she's pretty small, but very strong. Short hair, blonde- light brown, wavy and chopped to the shoulders. Stunning blue-green eyes with a little gray in them

 

Clothing: Tight but flexible clothes, ones that show off her form, usually black shirts and pants, a black jacket with a red stripe on the arms, and some fancy boots with heels. She has an earring in each ear, they're silver, and dangle. They're kind of S shaped and they frame her face perfectly

 

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|+| Milo Dechire |+|

 

Conservative

Agnostic 

LGBTQ

TRANS

+~+~+~+~+

 

Heads or tails

Do you even know

Which side you're on?

And does it even matter

If they're on

The same coin?

 

Heroes always get remembered

But you know legends 

Never die

 

bookmark

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. αтяσχ .
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unicornwolf33

@Milo: Sure thing!

 

Lastnames are a hard one, I think that a good place to start is to go to those "last name generators" online and see what you can find there. Even more helpful would be the sites where they have boxes you can check for different nationalities and ethnicities for your character. Lastnames are interesting for characters in that they help reveal an origin for your character and where they're from.

 

I appreciate that your likes and dislikes for your character are more than just a list of objects, but I find that, especially if you are going to roleplay this character, that it would be more helpful to include a backstory and personality section versus a likes/dislikes section simply because there isn't much others can do with that information. It's a "So What?" moment. Your character hates bland food, so what? Your character owns a python, so what? I understand that this information can be interesting to read about, but there's little that other players can react to with that info. In summary, most of the time, likes and dislikes, while they can add fun little bits of characterization and make the character feel more "human", do little in the way of giving the reader or players any information that they can really use. It's more or less "fluff" to add to your character once you have the rest of your bases covered.

 

Your appearance is fine, if a little bland. That's just a personal preference of mine however, and there isn't anything wrong with being shorter and more simplistic in your descriptions. Appearances are important but the content of a character lies more so in the character's personality and backstory than in superficial traits, like I mentioned above in regards to likes and dislikes. However, since you seem to have Melissa's likes and dislikes figured out, perhaps you can draw a personality off of that. Usually I work the opposite way of this, but I think the process is the same. Give her reasons that would tie into her backstory as to why she likes and dislikes certain things. Maybe her aunt owned an obnoxious little dog and this experience left her with a sour taste in regards to small dogs. Same goes for her clothing and music choices. Try to think of reasons for why she presents herself in that way and things get much easier when you're trying to come up with what her personality would be like. 

 

I like where you're going with the character and I think you're off to a great start. I'd recommend building more on a personality and backstory for your character and you'd be set. :) Good luck 

 

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ʟʏs ʀʙʟ ʀɪs ɪs ʜʀ, ʙʜɪɴ ʜ ʀ, ɪɴ ʜ ɴx ʀ; ʙ ɪ ʜ ʟs ʜ ʏ. ʀʜs ɪ ʜ ɴʟʏ ɪsʟɪ ɪ. /ɪɴ
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parakeetpanther60

You see, I didn't have much time to make the form so.. Thanks for the feedback 

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|+| Milo Dechire |+|

 

Conservative

Agnostic 

LGBTQ

TRANS

+~+~+~+~+

 

Heads or tails

Do you even know

Which side you're on?

And does it even matter

If they're on

The same coin?

 

Heroes always get remembered

But you know legends 

Never die

 

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lavenderdawn69

(Prepare yourself. This is probably going to be a long post.)

 

Things you need to know:

In the Shadow World, a world that’s connected to and where its inhabitants see ours, a man tried to accomplish what Walt Disney did and failed due to focusing on the wrong things.


Envious of Disney and the legacy he created, the man decides to create characters that would replace Disney’s beloved ones and ruin the company.

 

He first created the Negative Five, characters that were like Winnie the Pooh and his friends, but had their negative traits warped and twisted or exaggerated so much they were unrecognizable. Then he sent them to the Hundred Acre Wood, intent on his plan succeeding.

 

A quick overview of the Negative Five:

 

Name:Jaguar

Counterpart of:Tigger

Species:Sentient Toy Jaguar

Gender:Male

Personality:Has Tigger’s traits of occasional inconsideration and arrogance, but they have been warped and twisted so much that it’s selfishness and vanity. Cares only for himself, and thinks that he’s the greatest in all the universe. Doesn’t care about bouncing, but prides himself in hunting. Takes and does what he pleases, but will sometimes use his cunning to his advantage. Acts completely independent of his group at first.

Appearance:Jaguar looks like, well, a jaguar. He has yellowish fur with spots all over him and a long tail. He’s built similarly to Tigger, but is more muscular and a head taller than his counterpart, allowing Jaguar to be more intimidating to him. Jaguar’s head also has a shorter and tighter jaw than Tigger’s and the head itself is shaped more like Jaguar’s namesake. Jaguar also can switch between bipedal and quadrupedal stances, also making him similar to Tigger in that regard, but Jaguar is quadrupedal more often. He’s still bipedal most of the time, though.


He’s usually nonchalantly leaning on something, like a tree or table leg. This shows that he doesn’t care about what’s happening, since the situation he’s looking at involves others that are not him. He’s also usually smirking.

 

What sets them apart from the original?:The vanity and selfishness.

Backstory:Jaguar was the first of the Negative Five to be made(On a side note, all of the Negative Five's creation involved making them by putting ingredients in a cauldron and stirring them together.). At this point, his creator was angry and wanted to get revenge on Disney, but didn't know how. As a result, Jaguar was born, caring only for himself and not wanting to follow his creator's instructions because of that. Because of his selfishness, Jaguar didn't pay attention to the other Negative Five at all, only focusing on himself. As a result, he didn't bond with them.

Lesson you start to learn through redemption:to think about others beside yourself and to understand loving others beside yourself

Other:

 

Name:Wilbert the Bear

Counterpart of:Winnie the Pooh

Species:Sentient Teddy Bear

Gender:Male

Personality:Has Pooh’s traits of ignorance and slow-mindedness, but only on the surface. In fact, Wilbert is actually average in intelligence, but pretends not to be to get attention. Also has Pooh’s child-like nature, but it has been twisted enough to turn into obnoxiousness. Secretly cares about his group(except Jaguar), but won’t show it until it’s too late because he’s afraid to.

Appearance:Wilbert the Bear(or simply Wilbert) is a brown teddy bear with a small black nose. He’s thinner than Pooh, and wears only a green t-shirt that actually fits him. He’s the same size as Pooh, and has white on his muzzle and nowhere else. He is bipedal.


He usually looks confused and unaware of his surroundings to add to his ignorant and slow-witted shtick. His group isn’t fooled by it, though.

 

What sets them apart from the original?:the traits of ignorance and slow-mindedness only being on the surface and the obnoxiousness

Backstory:Wilbert was created along with Calf and Eehaw. When his creator started abusing them for caring for each other, Wilbert, along with Eehaw, immediately hid their caring behind a mean facade. The abuse, because of other reasons, didn't stop, though. Wilbert also started acting ignorant and slow minded around only the Negative Five he cared about at this point as well, because he only wanted to get the ones he cared about's attention, not his creator.

Lesson you start to learn through redemption: that there are better ways of getting attention from the ones you care for than being annoying

Other:

 

Name:Calf

Counterpart of:Piglet

Species:Sentient Toy Tapir Calf

Gender:Male

Personality:Has Piglet’s cowardliness, but not his craftiness or tendency to save his friends when they need him most. When the Negative Five were still under the watch of their creator, he abused them, and abused anyone who tried to stand up for them even more. Because of this, Calf is the way he is today. Cares about his group(except Jaguar), but is afraid to show it.

Appearance:Calf looks like a tapir calf. He’s as small as Piglet and is covered in white stripes and spots. He has round ears and is stocky in build, with a short trunk on his face being long enough to hang off it. He has a white belly, and beside that, has a brown and dark brown color scheme. He is bipedal.


He used to wear a fuzzy pink sweater he sewed himself, but his creator snatched it off him and threw it in the garbage can before he had a chance to wear it for more than five seconds. Now he only wears a red scarf.

 

What sets them apart from the original?:the cowardliness without the tendency to save his friends when they're in trouble

Backstory:It's kind of the same story as Wilbert, only when their creator started abusing them, Calf took the longest out of the Negative Five to put on a mean facade. Time and time again, he showed kindness and stood up for his group(except Jaguar) despite his fears, and time and time again, he got punished for that. Finally, out of fear, he put on his mask, and acted the way his creator wanted him to act, which is what his creator wanted all along.

 

Unknown to Calf, his creator also abused them because he wanted to rule them through fear and because he was angry at himself for making them so they could have good hearts and viewed his anger through them.

 

Lesson you start to learn through redemption:to be brave(again) and stand up for what's right(again)

Other:

 

Name:Hare

Counterpart of:Rabbit

Species:Sentient Toy Hare

Gender:Male

Personality:Rabbit’s bossy and control freak nature has been turned into a militant and domineering personality for Hare. Browbeats his group into following his lead and not talking behind his back, and if anyone misbehaves, prepare for physical punishment from him. Secretly cares about his group, but doesn’t know how to show it. Is protective of his group(except Jaguar) in his own way, and the way he looks at them is similar to how a big brother looks at his younger siblings. Doesn’t know how to express kindness, compassion, or weakness.

Appearance:Hare is a tall gray toy hare with red, crazy eyes and fur that’s sticking out everywhere. He has a white belly and has a build similar to Rabbit, but has curved legs that look like a hare’s and longer ears than his counterpart. He’s also a head taller than Rabbit, but like him, has a cottontail. He usually looks furious which, combined with his crazy eyes and disheveled fur, makes him look insane. He wears a shiny gray whistle around his neck, which helps when he’s trying to get the others in line. He usually abuses it, though.


He is bipedal. When he’s letting his guard down and willing to show weakness or that he cares about others, his eyes are black.

 

What sets them apart from the original?:the militant and domineering personality and the not knowing how to express kindness, compassion, or weakness

Backstory:Hare was the second of the Negative Five to be made. His creator wanted him to be able to express false(but convincing) kindness and compassion, but messed up and instead made it so Hare could develop a heart of gold when he met the rest of the newly created Negative Five, which were essentially his little brothers. He, at first, expressed his newly found compassion and kindness at times to Wilbert, Calf, and Eehaw. However, as his creator started abusing them and Hare, Hare and the others learned that them showing kindness and compassion for each other was a big no no for their creator. Because of this, Hare hid those good qualities under a visage of not caring and an even more extreme military general personality, classifying showing kindness and compassion as signs of weakness. He also hid showing real weakness under this visage, too, since his creator didn't like him showing that, either. He's done this so long he's forgotten how to show kindness, compassion, or weakness.

 

Furthermore, he discouraged the Negative Five(except Jaguar) from showing that they cared for each other in his own way so they wouldn't get in trouble.

 

Lesson you start to learn through redemption:to express kindness, compassion, and weakness

Other:

 

Name:Eehaw(Yes, I know, it's silly. I'm trying to mimic the name, Eeyore.)

Counterpart of:Eeyore

Species:Sentient Toy Mule

Gender:Male

Personality:Acted depressed to annoy his group at first, but because of his creator’s influence, turned into a sarcastic, smug, and negative character. Is very stubborn and it’s hard to get him out of his habits because of that stubbornness. Like almost all the rest, he acts like he hates the group, but secretly cares for them(except Jaguar). His sarcasm and smugness hides a low self-esteem and fear for his creator. Because of him, Eehaw also has a mistrust of others besides his group(except Jaguar).

Appearance:Eehaw looks like a mule. He’s taller than Eeyore and has a more upright posture, and has a short black mane and black tail. He’s brown, with beige coloring for the muzzle and black coloring for the legs. He is quadrupedal.


He’s usually smirking on the outside when something goes wrong.

 

What sets them apart from the original?:the personality

Backstory:like Wilbert's

Lesson you start to learn through redemption: that sometimes, there’s a better road than what you’ve taken and maybe others know best once in a while; also, to trust others besides Wilbert, Hare, and Calf

Other:

 

(I'm actually planning to do a story about these characters, and am also planning to redeem all of the Negative Five. The redemption will be a slow process, but the group will steadily start to show compassion towards each other again(or for the first time for one of the characters) and eventually become friends with Winnie the Pooh and his friends.

 

If you have questions, let me know! I have a whole document in Google Docs about the Negative Five, so I can easily pull from there if I have to!

 

Sorry for the backstory having to be pieced together through the respective backstories.

 

Mods, please let this through. This is all fictional and none of it is based on real events.)

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 Lavender/Iria

ASLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,you'd make a great teacher.

 

My gang:Strawberry Shortcake, Plum Pudding, Lemon Meringue, Blueberry Muffin, Raspberry Torte, Ginger Snap

 

 

The world changes,nature shrivels but also blooms,yet we stay strong.

 

 

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cobraphoenix530

This is one of my older characters I found to be a little Mary Sue-esque. I attempted to round some of his personality out, buuut he still needs a lot of work:

 

Full Name: Julian Blackthorn

Nicknames: Jules, J, Jube-jube, Ju-ju, Thorn, Ju

Age: 18

Birthday: December 8

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/him

Sexuality: Straight

Race: Human

 

-Personality-

General: Julian is a creative minded person, one who loves to paint, draw, sketch and the like. He is incredibly talented at art, having been raised around it. He’s also a surprisingly good singer. Julian is pretty easygoing and level headed, and does his best to accept everyone for who they are. He has no problems with meeting new people, since he’s a very naturally sociable person. It is near impossible to make Julian angry. Even if he’s in a fight against someone, he’ll have a clear mind and the ability to think his way. He has had a pretty difficult life, and thus finds it easy to sympathize with others. He loves reading and is unashamed to admit he’s a romantic. He is incredibly loyal to the ones close to his heart, and has a fear of his loved ones being taken away. He’s a bit of an old soul, so he’ll end up using words from older times in casual conversations without realizing. He’s slightly like an older brother to most, and will often end up doing ‘mother like’ stuff for them, such as reminding them to put on a jacket before they go outside, or cooking lunch for them. Julian isn’t exactly the most risk taking person, unwilling to take useless risks for the sake of getting a new story. While he’ll go along with others’ ideas, he’ll back out unless there’s someone he’ll have to take care of there. He cares for others much more than himself, and would give up himself in a second if it meant saving someone else, even if he barely knew the person.


Strengths:

Caring
Artistic
Empathetic 
Intelligent

 

Weaknesses:

Lack of self preservation
Fear of loneliness: results in clinginess and over protectiveness of others
Weak left knee
Low self esteem

 

Hobbies:

Cooking
Painting
Drawing
Sketching
Skateboarding
Ice skating
Art in general
Reading

 

Peeves/dislikes:

Carelessness
Arguments
Sweets
Carrots

 

Fears:

Loneliness

Abandonement

Mice

 

Habits:

Pushing his hair back at various times
Tapping his finger against his knuckles when thinking
Clenching and unclenching his fists when stressed

 

-Physical Appearance-

Hair: Black and straight, with the longer parts curling a bit. His hair is fairly short, just going a bit below his ears in terms of length. It tends to stand up all over the place in the morning, looking like he just got shocked. When lying flat, it keeps falling into his eyes. He has a habit of combing it all back with his fingers at any given time.

Eyes: Bright blue. They grow darker or lighter at times. Round and slightly downturned. Short, black eyelashes.

Facial Structure: Longer square face with a grecian nose.

Skin: Pale olive.

Build: Long and muscular.

Height: 5’19

Weight: N/A

Tattoos: A tattoo of the words ‘De tout mon coeur’ inked in black calligraphy around his left wrist. A semi colon (;) on the inside of his left wrist. A poppy on the side of his collarbone.

Marks: A small scar at the outer corner of his left eye he got from hitting a table as a child. A birthmark behind his right ear.

Other: He often has paint on his hands and sometimes, his clothes. At times there’s one or more pencil(s) and/or paintbrush(es) in his pockets, behind his ears, and in his hair, somehow. He sometimes has his earbuds in for days on end.

Clothing Preference: T-shirts, jeans, sweaters, button ups, the like.

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                    ♠

           sʜˑʜʀˑʙsʟ ss

     “ʜɴ ɪ s ʏ ɪ ғʟʟ ɪɴ ʟ

 ᴀɴ ʏ sɪʟ ʙs ʏ ɴ

               ˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑˑ

                     ˑɪɴ: ɪʀˑ

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lavenderdawn69

Bump!

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 Lavender/Iria

ASLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,you'd make a great teacher.

 

My gang:Strawberry Shortcake, Plum Pudding, Lemon Meringue, Blueberry Muffin, Raspberry Torte, Ginger Snap

 

 

The world changes,nature shrivels but also blooms,yet we stay strong.

 

 

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unicornwolf33

For some reason, I didn't see any of the new posts until just now! Thanks everyone for your patience, I'll get to them immediately. 

 

@Milo: Oh, I didn't mean to be harsh or anything, it's just kind of hard when you have so little to go off of. It's hard to tell when a character form is rushed or if there really just isn't much there. I'll keep that in mind for the future ^^'

 

@Lavender:

This world sounds a lot like a game I used to play on the Wii a long time ago. Unfortunately I can't remember what it's called right now, but I think this is a really cool thing to do with an existing "universe", so to speak. Like you took the original material and changed it to make it interesting but still recognizable as "Disney-esque" and I think that the small twists someone can add to an original piece while still drawing off the source material is really interesting and cool. I like that whole concept and I don't really see any problem with it, because even while these counterparts might be a little "flat" in terms of personality, the original disney characters were also a little flat in that regard, so it works for what you're trying to accomplish. 

 

I also really like the whole "Lesson" section in your forms. This is a really neat section because it gives me a glimpse into what they're character development might be.

 

I don't have much experience myself with having characters in existing universes, so my advice would probably be vague/redundant to what you already know. I know that usually, the advice for playing characters in canon universes is to have them not interact with canon, or pre-existing characters, but you have an explaination behind why your characters are going to see Winnie, Rabit and Piglet (among others) in the Hundred Acre Woods, so it works out. 

 

The only advice I can suggest is that you try to avoid making your story too "preachy" when you write it out. When you have characters representing morals and different lessons to be learned, it can be boring if the audience can already guess what's going to happen before it does and it kills the suspense. I'm trying to think of how to phrase this better, but if you think of any story with a strong "good" and "evil" side, you can almost always count on the "good guys" winning and it kills any dramatic suspension in any situation where there's conflict because we already know the outcome. Now, if you can write well, you might be able to subvert audience expectations when writing stories like this, and it can instead make the story really powerful. But you have to watch out when you write something like that because if the "plot twist" seems to come out of nowhere (like if you just tried to suddenly redeem all The Negative Five at once with no buildup, which I know you aren't going to do because you have plans for this to be a gradual and long process.) the audience will instead be confused by it. 

 

And that's really it. Everything else seems perfectly fine to me, the only thing to watch out for is that your lessons aren't too heavyhanded or else the audience might feel like they're reading a tale from Aesop's Fables rather than an actual story or novel. I think you can easily balance that out though, so it's not a major issue by any means. 

 

@Jokester: I'll get to your character in the next post, I'm a little busy right now, but I promist it's coming ^^

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ʟʏs ʀʙʟ ʀɪs ɪs ʜʀ, ʙʜɪɴ ʜ ʀ, ɪɴ ʜ ɴx ʀ; ʙ ɪ ʜ ʟs ʜ ʏ. ʀʜs ɪ ʜ ɴʟʏ ɪsʟɪ ɪ. /ɪɴ